Alive

I am alive and living.
I feel,
I smell,
I touch,
I see,
I hear,
All the things God has created
The gifts of being alive.
But these are two-way,
One way is good and happy
Another is sorrow and grief.
Both must exist,
Neither can be without the other.
I am alive and living.
I feel pain and love,
I smell,
I touch the computer to type these things,
I see the words that are created,
I hear my heart breaking... again for both love and happiness, sorrow and grief.

It has been exactly one year since miscarriage number five, and around this same time of day - in the afternoon it was all over.
I remember.
Baby 5 I love you, though I never knew you.
I lost you when you had only been created for ~3 weeks (nearly a month).

To all my other babies I love you all, though I never knew any of you.

In memorial:

Baby 1
(unexpected)
lost at 4 months along April 9, 2007 (Easter)

Baby 2
(unexpected)
lost at ~10 days April 16, 2008

Baby 3
(planned)
lost at 1 month along July 17, 2008

Baby 4
(unexpected)
lost at 1.5 months along January 1, 2009

Baby 5
(planned)
lost at ~3 weeks June 23, 2009

I am alive and living.
I am.

A Bit of Everything Plus ART

Hello readers,

It again has been some time since I last bloggerated... eth and wrote. So, let me bring you all up to speed a bit, shall I?

I worked until beginning of April and then left - as Kabaju was established for ~2.5 months in his new job. It was a tough decision, however I had a fantastic team lead that wholeheartedly supported me and assisted me in seeking out alternatives that ended up not working out... so I left. Did my two week notice and didn't look back. Afterall, my job served its purpose of keeping us afloat to pay bills. Once Kabaju obtained employment and we steadied our financial situation, I put nearly everything towards paying off my student loans. So I'm happy to say I only have ~17.6% left to pay off on one loan and it's gone! Then I have two more to go! Can't wait to be debt free (minus our house)! : ) Dave Ramsey is fantastic! He is a financial guru that uses common sense and baby steps (see: http://www.daveramsey.com/).

Well, I took the whole of April once I ended my job and turned my entire focus to finishing my thesis and gaining my masters of art degree. Which I am happy to say I have indeed accomplished! I did my oral presentation over the phone via Skype April 29, 2010. Beginning of May we traveled to Spokane, WA for commencement as a family vacation which was fun... despite some rough moments (I'll tell you later...). May 8, 2010 we participated in the baccalaureate mass (as Gonzaga University is Jesuit, private Catholic school) it was interesting for us non-catholic people, but nice. Graduate commencement followed in the same place a couple hours later. So happy! Feels so good crossing the finish line... er stage. Once we got home my signature page was waiting. I was astounded! I thought I would need to do further revisions, which I did anyway, for myself. I Went to one place to have my thesis printed, another to have it bound and then shipped it off to Gonzaga. I received my diploma last week!

I'll elaborate more later, for now I want to say a bit about the talents of my sister-in-law, Evenspor. Her blog is: http://desertspor.blogspot.com/. She is a fantastic bloggerette/blogger. One thing she has done multiple times that I think is neat is create, design fabric patterns and has a place called Spoonflower print her designs onto fabric. So recently Spoonflower also does fabric design contests, which she has participated in the current one with the topic of Robots. She designed these.

The robots contest has ended at this point in time, however, you can see all the designs and the new contest by going here. I am sure if you would like a fabric with a specific design you can head over to Evenspor's blog and ask her for assistance. She does have a bachelor degree in art and she is very good at what she does.

Have a great day everybody! Cheers.