Monday, September 28, 2009


Happy is positiveness.

I am happy. I am positive.

I am working on my final project for my Master of Art degree and I'm applying for a job that what my thesis project is.


That job opening proves that what my active training portfolio (thesis project) is all about is more real and true than ever before! I knew it! Happy.


Yes times are tough, but like I have said time and again before - I embrace tough times. I learn more that way.

Tough times make you think and thinking is good, if you let it be good and positive. Learn to think about things from different angles time and again - and time and again those views will surprise you and uplift you. Unless of course you chose differently.

It's all about attitude and my sweet husband reminds me and we sustain each other - the best we can, but we can always learn.

Learn to be happy.
Learn to overcome.
Learn why life is punching us the way it has decided to and take it in a different angle.
To pursue
Life is a journey.
Journey's take progress.
Progress embraces all - happy and sad, all.
Learning is tough, but is also happy.
Knowledge is gained.
Wisdom is the application of that knowledge over time - sometimes a life time.


Afterall, it's a beautiful day.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Rollin' with the Punches

Rollin' with the punches of life... but damn they hurt! I'm tough I know, and I can be a lot tougher still... but I'll admit, I'm tired, I'm burned, I'm worn.... but I'm too bullheaded to quit anytime soon! Which is a good thing. Helps me roll with the punches life has been hitting me with nonstop for the past 3-7 years or more of my life.... eh, might as well say my entire life - but especially the past 3-5 years have been the most challenging and tough. And it's not going to end till I die. Literally.

Remember the Life Exhaust list I gave you all back in February this year? If not take a moment and read it... go on I'll wait.


Okay, whew! Take a breath... and let me bring you up to speed... again for the upmteenth time.

So let's see, right....

**March was my ring finger bone graft from the hip surgery (yes, my hip tends toward the tenderness side of things still, but it is healing and regrowing bone).
**I spent the next 3-5 months in hand therapy, water therapy, and physical therapy. (The water therapy works wonders!)
**I got dumped from my temp job... in April... I am still looking.
**My hand healed in time for me to fully use it again for my summer class which I absolutely loved! My professors (those two ladies own their business, they do what they preach!) are my mentors for my thesis project - an active training portfolio.
**I did fabulous in that class.
**Had some car issues with both cars, but we did fine.
**I had my 5th miscarriage June 23, 2009.
**I made a memorial for my 5 babies.
**More imaging was done, and I do have a "slight" abnormality... but pffft it's not much of one.
**I have two more blood tests I need to do this week to see why my red blood cells are monstrously huge.... hmmm, think it has to do with STRESS?
**Did a ton of job hunting..... still doing job hunting.....
**Went to Goblin Valley July 3, 2009 - yes it was HOT, cause we don't have AC.... but it was fun going across the desert with my family and wow the desert was actually green! Weird!
**That was fun ; )
**August we celebrated our 5th anniversary by climbing the 1100 feet elevation gain straight up to Timpanogos Cave in Utah County (think Provo, Utah) and of course going through the refrigerator on steroids... it was fantastic! Yes, we're still married and happily too ; )
**I started my final semester the beginning of September/ending of August.
**I also paid down $700 on my student loans - that was a nice feeling. Paying over $2000 for tuition not so nice - but this is the last time, that is nice.
**I've unpacked our kitchen - finally!
**We have a friend living with us - which is a nice change from the mundane, she makes me laugh!
**Out of the dark... er, "blue," out of nowhere... my husband got laid off..... YIKES!
**Now we're all three jobless.... with bills.... what are we to do? I have unemployment for another 3-4 weeks and then it's gone.... friend will apply for unemployment and help by paying a little rent.... and husband does get some severance and unemployment.
**We turned in our Packet B, next step the homestudy and we will be licensed to be Foster Parents... but that will wait till next year - which was our plan anyway.
**I thank God for the Bishop's Storehouse... now I just have to figure out what it is they have that I can eat... you know I have major food allergies.

Okay - from the top of my head, you all should be absolutely up to date, to the date, really.

We have made headway on our yard thanks to our girlfriend/housemate. We'll be participating in the Food Allergy Awareness Walk at Wheeler Farm in Murray (think Salt Lake City) Utah on Oct. 3rd. October 2nd I'll be volunteering at the Utah Foster Care Foundation Pumpkin Festival, as well as turning in my Lit Review.... I hope, I better be, I will....... ahem. October 10th we'll be cutting down a big, weedy, dangerous tree! Yay!

Oh, and if you want to read my husband's reaction to being let off, you can read it here.

My view of events:

Monday night I crawl into bed, (earlier that day he told me he had a meeting Tuesday) I turn my bedside lamp off... and all of a sudden he says, "Why's it so dark?" I ask, "You want me to turn the light back on?" He said, "NO." Then asks again why it's so dark, all the time? Perpelexed, I said, "I don't know, it's night right now.... what do you mean?" Silence. Snoring. He's out. Next morning... I'm waiting for my double-timing tingling leg to wake up so I can get dressed and get stuff done... next moment when my feet land on the cold floor I'm startled by our bedroom door suddenly opening and there he is.... it's only what, 10 AM or something. He pulls me to his warm body with a smile on his face to hold me and kiss me.

"I got laid off."

I looked at him absolutely stunned and startled... "What!? You're kidding!"
He continues to hold me against him... "No, I'm serious. That's what the meeting was about, at least the one I went to."

I could do nothing else except to cry as fear slapped me hard in the face and all over..... what's going to happen now? What about our home.... what am I going to do? What are we going to do? My mind was racing and yet, not sure if it wanted to keep what it heard.

We went to the couch as I sobbed. Our housemate came out of her bedroom - "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I got laid off." I didn't see her reaction, my face was shutoff in the dark shadow of my eyelids pressed hard against his lap... I didn't want her to see me cry... but cry and sob I did.

"It's going to be okay... we'll be okay." : ) "I get to look for a new job!"

It has been a roller coaster ride for a long time for me.... emotionally, physically, mentally.

We three went to our married friend's house down the street to raid their garden as they instructed us to. I made excellent pasta sauce and pasta that night from their tomatoes and onions. My girlfriend told me, she was amazed that I didn't cry for long... she would still be crying if she were me. My mind is stable, I have an herbal remedy to keep the mind strong. I am calm. I am afraid. I am calm. I am stressed... I am determined.

I embrace hardship. It is my life. I praise God and His son Jesus Christ.

What have we to learn? I know not yet, but someday I will. Trust is tough love... and I have to trust in God like never before. Oh, Father hear our prayers.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Published, Memories, Poem

Hello All,

As it turns out I'm now related to an up-and-coming famous person. My sister-in-law, an artist, did the artwork for her husband's book! I love books and good stories... and believe me he is a great writer. I get to read his soliloquies at least once a year when he writes the family's yearly Christmas letter. I think he did a fantastic job of writting his version of the tale of Little Fish their second son's birth story - you can read it here. If you enjoy that check out his newly published book Catamount Cody. I'm sure it is a fabulous read! But you don't have to take my word for it; a lady by the name of Andrea Frazer at Life Happins wrote a review. And of course my nephew (of the acclaimed famous) obsiouly loves it good stories too!

They are giving copies away - signed by both I hope... did I mention I love good books of all kinds and varieties? I hope to someday get a signed copy. That would be fun and a great break from the mundane and interestingness of graduate student life. As I am currently working on my final semester and thus my thesis project - yes thesis project. I am making it an active training portfolio. I hope to bring out the creativity I know I posess.

I vaguely remember as a five+ year old in school loving to write... especially writing stories and whatever my creativity feed me. I can remember finding pieces of parchment and writing a story of a dog and cat that were best friends and the adventures they were going to have.... but alas in my efforts to keep my story safe and hidden.... it grew legs and ran away to Neverland where stories never fade... and children never grow up. Later on as a tween I remember a history assignment - that I ended up turning into a very long story about the trek of Father Escalante and his trail... I turned it in something like a month or two... late but received 110+ percent for such a good story and being able to put you in their shoes....... of course I also grew up in the rough terrain of Southern Utah where Father Escalante had to cross so I was itimately familiar with the land.... aw sweet memories. Someday too, I will find that old story and hope to fully transfer it onto the computer and into type.... I love good books, stories, writing and art!

I can't wait for the cold winter days of December to come, with it's jewels of white.
I can't wait for my skin to turn ice in the cold December wind.
I can't wait for the crunch of soft snow jewels that sparkle and dazzle all.
I can't wait for another year to be added to my life,
As I journey forward and close another chapter of my life book.
I can't wait to finish my collegiate schooling,
To walk in pomp and circumstance in the bright May Sun over 1,000 miles yonder.
I can't wait to see my creativity continue to bloom as my sister-and brother-in-law encourage me with their own.
I can't wait to really see what life can bring beyond the night's heavy study of studentry.
I can't wait.
And yet I will.
I must.
Finish a Goal, a dream.
Continue to create my life.
My story.
My own.
I am excited for life to continue.
For further challenges, new and different.
Fostering will come,
of creativity,
of children,
of hope,
of life beyond what I have always known and what I do not yet know.
I can't wait.
Yet I will.
Wait for life,
To see where this journey will continue to go.
To see what God has in store for me.
I can't wait.
Yet I will.