Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Alive

I am alive and living.
I feel,
I smell,
I touch,
I see,
I hear,
All the things God has created
The gifts of being alive.
But these are two-way,
One way is good and happy
Another is sorrow and grief.
Both must exist,
Neither can be without the other.
I am alive and living.
I feel pain and love,
I smell,
I touch the computer to type these things,
I see the words that are created,
I hear my heart breaking... again for both love and happiness, sorrow and grief.

It has been exactly one year since miscarriage number five, and around this same time of day - in the afternoon it was all over.
I remember.
Baby 5 I love you, though I never knew you.
I lost you when you had only been created for ~3 weeks (nearly a month).

To all my other babies I love you all, though I never knew any of you.

In memorial:

Baby 1
(unexpected)
lost at 4 months along April 9, 2007 (Easter)

Baby 2
(unexpected)
lost at ~10 days April 16, 2008

Baby 3
(planned)
lost at 1 month along July 17, 2008

Baby 4
(unexpected)
lost at 1.5 months along January 1, 2009

Baby 5
(planned)
lost at ~3 weeks June 23, 2009

I am alive and living.
I am.

1 comment:

firebirdluver said...

We keep you in our thoughts.