Thursday, December 16, 2010


So, the update after meeting with Princess Frog's biological mom is that we are looking at moving Princess Frog in with biological mom in about 1 month. We have court next week before Christmas, and there the Judge will decide ultimately what and when things will happen.... Either way, Princess Frog will need to be moved in with biological mom in 2 months or have some decision within the next 2 months. We will see what happens, when and how and all that good stuff. We're just glad there's finally light at the end of a long and hard tunnel. Relief is on it's way, but we do feel sorry for Princess Frog at only 1.5 years old - she ultimately has to deal with whatever happens. We love her, and wish her the best.

I am grateful to those that donated gifts so she has a good Christmas through the Utah Foster Care Foundation. After this, we will be taking a break until summer, then who knows? When we are ready we will open up to another child in need. Unless, of course Princess Frog comes back....

I will be teaching two classes this coming spring semester - one full semester long, one that won't start until March and is half semester. Right now am working on getting finals graded and then will get grades submitted. Next week is completely booked.... every day we have something to do with Princess Frog's case for the first three days. Then other appointments and dealing with current car troubles. It will be nice to have Kabaju home all week.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Time Flies Part II

Hello all,

I am back; obviously. Yes, I am late, but late is better than never. Right where were we? Oh yes, if you remember this part - when I began writing our story as Foster Parents. A lot has happened, naturally. In life, things happen all the time.

So, after meeting with her caseworker, I contacted the her current foster family. That's right, we are her second foster family. Her first family are really good people, but it was too much. She is a hard baby... I'll explain soon. I got to meet Princess Frog (has we have dubbed her) the next day, on Friday. I brought home her information that the family had and some of her things they gave her. Thank goodness, because I sure did not have any toys for a growing toddler! Later in the evening, Kabaju went back with me and also got to meet her. We went back the following morning and picked her up and brought her home.

Now, let me make something very clear here. Typically, when people have children (biological), they get pregnant and have 9 months to prepare for their family. Our family, started with a phone call. Period. Keep in mind, we brought her home at 13.5 months old and teething like none other! She is our first. We are first time parents. Now, for the typical biological family, after the 9 months of gestation, is the experience of birth, and then they have the next 13 months to get to know that new personality. We got Princess Frog at 13.5 months and teething overnight. At the time, we were helping out a friend that was out of work. So, as our house only has two small usable bedrooms - she was in ours with us for about a month. We had a lot to learn about how to help a baby manage teething pains. I knew some things, but ended up with some confusion about medicine to use, plus we had none anyway. What fun!

One more thing to make very clear. This child is 13.5 months old, and at this point has moved 3 times in ~1 month. The first time was when she was removed from the unsafe environment she was in prior to entering the foster care system. Then she was moved into her first foster family. (I'm not entirely sure where she stayed prior to being placed with her first foster family). Then she moved in with us. Believe me, a baby knows many things and is quite aware. We knew this. Just watching her confirmed her awareness. So, with it came a lot of anger, frustration, confusion, more anger and fear. I could see it plainly in her face and her behavior. It was near impossible to get a small smile out of her - I don't think she even understood in the beginning what smiling was. She screamed and cried most of the time - when she was taking a nap, my ears would be ringing with the sound of her screaming and crying. The rest of the time, she didn't do anything - no noise. She would become easily over-frustrated and tantrum furiously. That is an understatement.

She has stabilized with us in the past 5.5 months. She laughs, smiles all the time, and talks a lot. She was very small when we got her. A mere ~18 LBs and ~21 inches tall. Now, she is 30 inches tall, and 20 LBs. She finally has some hair, barely, and her two bottom front teeth, and now two upper front teeth are through. Thank God! She didn't really have much to her legs, but now they are fat for a skinny baby and strong. She has been walking for ~1.5 months. She imitates a lot, and says many words. She is very, very smart. She will follow instructions and listens - even when it is obvious she does not want to. She loves to have stories read to her. : )

However, the sad thing is, visitation has started with her biological mom. She is regressing quickly to how she was in the beginning. She had not seen her biological mom since May or June. Her first visit was last week. Second visit this week. She is using less words, and screaming more again. Last week, the day prior to her first visit she had anxiety, and woke up screaming and hitting herself on the head after her nap. Thankfully she let me pick her up and I was able to console her. In the past, when she has lost all control, there is no consoling her. She used to scream and cry for anywhere from 1-3 hours straight at a time. Now, her longest time is an hour; shortest time is 15 minutes. We got her off of her extreme addiction to the bottle - I really hope she does not regress here.

The day of her first visit, she was silent. She acted depressed. Even when I spoke to her, I could barely get anything out of her. She had a loss of appetite. She is not even 1.5 years old. The other thing she did recently, is after I changed her diaper, she freaked out - literally - for no apparent reason. She sat up and let herself fall back hard enough to bang her head on the floor. She did it quickly enough she banged her head a few times, before I could get her off the floor and in her crib where it was safer for her. And let her scream. It was very angry, nothing but pure fury. When I was telling her what was coming to prepare her for her first visit, she gave me a very dark angry look. We have no choice, by law we have to take her to the visits. We do not know how long this will go on for... we do not know what will happen.

This is the life of a Foster Parent. Not to mention all the mounds of paperwork we have to do. Since visitation has started, I created a behavior watch. Where we write down extreme behaviors to provide evidence on how all this is affecting her. We have to do paperwork whenever we drive her somewhere, or do case activity. We have to paperwork every single time she goes to the doctor. Which is a lot for her; her system is near impossible to balance. Even though we figured out she is lactose intolerant. We have to do in-service training to keep our license which we just sent in the renewal paperwork and had the licensor come to the annual home inspection. Then there are the monthly visits by her caseworker. Sometimes we have visits from her GAL, or our RFC. Then there are the times to go to court, take her to visits, and meetings.

Before any of this, we did 32 hours of pre-service training, a mound of paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, and a home-study where we were also interviewed.

Foster Parenting is a lot harder and a lot more work than biological parenting. Foster parents are left to their own by others that shower biological parents with friendship, meals, gifts. I am especially grateful for my sister-in-law, Nat. She has rescued me multiple times. She has come and got us to get out of the house. She checks in to see how we are. We help each other out with babysitting. She is an amazing beautician - she always helps me feel good about myself again. I am also grateful for Kabaju's sister Evenspor and her family that were so very generous and thoughtful of us. They gave us a huge box of diapers. She said it was for our baby shower - which has never existed. I was speechless, I nearly cried. So again, to Spors in the Desert, Thank You! I have family that did give Princess Frog a blanket, and of course, my Aunt that watches her while I teach at a local college - I don't know what I would do without my Aunt.

Side story: The people I was in contact with before life happened, called me two weeks prior to my class starting and asked if I would come teach. They came to me, with unfinished application, as I had been referred by a reputable professional - one of their own - and I took the opportunity. We are in a routine, and when running late Princess Frog always gets after me by saying, "Go, go!"

I have experienced so many emotions... and I am human. The heart is for breaking over and over again, so we become more aware of the beautiful things of life.

Dear God, please hear our prayers and our heartaches! Please.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

By the Sweat of My Face

Please bear with me for a moment. Instead of writing more right now about our story of becoming Foster Parents I'm going to write some on my struggle with food allergies.

It is written in holy script:

  1. 19 In the asweat of thy face shalt thou eat bbread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for cdust thou art, and unto ddust shalt thou return.
  2. 25 By the asweat of thy bface shalt thou eat bread, until thou shalt return unto the ground—for thou shalt surely die—for out of it wast thou taken: for cdust thou wast, and unto dust shalt thou return.

This now has become more true than ever. It is offical, I now am forced to make and bake my own bread from here on out. I used to have 2 store-bought breads I could eat. A few months ago the local store named Harmons Home style bread changed their recipe to include milk - which I am allergic to. Today, Kabaju bought us the other bread we knew I could eat today as we are out of bread entirely.... I checked the ingredient list and to my horror saw that Sara Lee's Grandma Scyamore's bread has followed suit. It is no longer safe for me to eat. Wish me luck in re-learning and finding a recipe for bread that I can eat. Don't bother mentioning "gluten free" as that makes no difference to me - they tend to use dairy and eggs - both of which I cannot eat. I am unfortantely missing the annual FAAN Food Allergy Walk ( but I need to go make myself some bread. I am afraid Rhodes Frozen Rolls will soon follow suit...... who knows, perhaps they will stay different. I can only hope.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Time Flies

Hello again.

It's been some time. Time obviously flies when life happens. I think I know what my last commenter meant by "mom" stories - at the time I didn't nor did Kabaju. So I will share in parts what it's like to be a Foster Mom - just so we keep things a little shorter and not drag this out too long. After all, I can only write what I know.

Let me back up a bit in time...

I had finally finished my thesis and graduated with my master's degree and with a shout of glee yelled, "No more school!" Whisper thoughts "Unless I teach it..." I was working on job applications for part-time work and came across information by a teacher at SLCC (Salt Lake Community College) that I could apply to be put into the 'pool' of teachers for the communications department. As I was laboriously working on that application - halfway through - when life happened.

Once done with my collegiate career we informed our RFC (Resource Family Consultant) we were open and ready for a placement (aka we were ready to open our home, and hearts to a child in foster care and custody of the state). In the meantime I kept myself busy with picking up my old hobby of crochet and looking for part-time work. After nearly two months I went to contact our RFC to check-in, but she beat me to it and called me. She informed me that we were being presented as a possible family for a baby girl. She didn't want to get our hopes up, but wanted us to be aware.

I had a baby shower later that day... it was antagonizing! Baby showers are always hard for me, but this one was especially hard - it was a duel baby shower for two women, one having a girl, one a boy. I nearly left not too long after being there.... but I made myself stay and focused on whatever else I could to ignore the annoying oohs and ahhs, and my thoughts on whether or not we'd be picked for the baby girl I was called about just hours before. It was quite depressing really.

Well, the next day which was Thursday July 15th we were informed that we were chosen as her new foster family. I immediately went into her caseworker's office to meet the caseworker and discuss the case and child. She also had pictures of the baby. I told her I was 95-99% sure we'd take her but of course wanted to present all we had discussed to Kabaju as he is my husband and we are a team.

Later that day when Kabaju got home I spoke with him.... so stay tuned as Princess Frog is crying for me to get her up... wow where did the time go?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Mom by Monday

Hello all,

This has been nearly two weeks coming... but since July 17, 2010 we have been foster parents to an adorable 14 month old girl, dubbed Princess Frog. She's determined like the main character in the movie, "The Princess and the Frog," and she's really flexible - tastes her big toe all the time.

Although her name might be changing to Vampire Frog which would make her totally hip, I suppose as vampires are really popular or something. She's teething and her first teeth seem to be her upper incisors with everything else just waiting to break surface. I just hope they break soon and she'll have a mouthful.

It's been a roller coaster ride... definitely exciting! You will not see pictures of her nor her name for her protection and ours; but I thought you'd all like to know.

Since it's Thursday I'd like to also do my Thankful Thursday post here:

I am thankful for:

Princess Frog - you have a great big smile
Kabaju - I love you, you are a great foster dad and partner.
The Gospel
Window A/C - you keep us from melting and getting any more heat sickness.
A baby gate.
Classifieds and bartering on pricing.
Kabaju's job and raises.
No more school! Unless I teach it.....
Sleep.... think I'll go catch some zzzz's

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I am alive and living.
I feel,
I smell,
I touch,
I see,
I hear,
All the things God has created
The gifts of being alive.
But these are two-way,
One way is good and happy
Another is sorrow and grief.
Both must exist,
Neither can be without the other.
I am alive and living.
I feel pain and love,
I smell,
I touch the computer to type these things,
I see the words that are created,
I hear my heart breaking... again for both love and happiness, sorrow and grief.

It has been exactly one year since miscarriage number five, and around this same time of day - in the afternoon it was all over.
I remember.
Baby 5 I love you, though I never knew you.
I lost you when you had only been created for ~3 weeks (nearly a month).

To all my other babies I love you all, though I never knew any of you.

In memorial:

Baby 1
lost at 4 months along April 9, 2007 (Easter)

Baby 2
lost at ~10 days April 16, 2008

Baby 3
lost at 1 month along July 17, 2008

Baby 4
lost at 1.5 months along January 1, 2009

Baby 5
lost at ~3 weeks June 23, 2009

I am alive and living.
I am.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A Bit of Everything Plus ART

Hello readers,

It again has been some time since I last bloggerated... eth and wrote. So, let me bring you all up to speed a bit, shall I?

I worked until beginning of April and then left - as Kabaju was established for ~2.5 months in his new job. It was a tough decision, however I had a fantastic team lead that wholeheartedly supported me and assisted me in seeking out alternatives that ended up not working out... so I left. Did my two week notice and didn't look back. Afterall, my job served its purpose of keeping us afloat to pay bills. Once Kabaju obtained employment and we steadied our financial situation, I put nearly everything towards paying off my student loans. So I'm happy to say I only have ~17.6% left to pay off on one loan and it's gone! Then I have two more to go! Can't wait to be debt free (minus our house)! : ) Dave Ramsey is fantastic! He is a financial guru that uses common sense and baby steps (see:

Well, I took the whole of April once I ended my job and turned my entire focus to finishing my thesis and gaining my masters of art degree. Which I am happy to say I have indeed accomplished! I did my oral presentation over the phone via Skype April 29, 2010. Beginning of May we traveled to Spokane, WA for commencement as a family vacation which was fun... despite some rough moments (I'll tell you later...). May 8, 2010 we participated in the baccalaureate mass (as Gonzaga University is Jesuit, private Catholic school) it was interesting for us non-catholic people, but nice. Graduate commencement followed in the same place a couple hours later. So happy! Feels so good crossing the finish line... er stage. Once we got home my signature page was waiting. I was astounded! I thought I would need to do further revisions, which I did anyway, for myself. I Went to one place to have my thesis printed, another to have it bound and then shipped it off to Gonzaga. I received my diploma last week!

I'll elaborate more later, for now I want to say a bit about the talents of my sister-in-law, Evenspor. Her blog is: She is a fantastic bloggerette/blogger. One thing she has done multiple times that I think is neat is create, design fabric patterns and has a place called Spoonflower print her designs onto fabric. So recently Spoonflower also does fabric design contests, which she has participated in the current one with the topic of Robots. She designed these.

The robots contest has ended at this point in time, however, you can see all the designs and the new contest by going here. I am sure if you would like a fabric with a specific design you can head over to Evenspor's blog and ask her for assistance. She does have a bachelor degree in art and she is very good at what she does.

Have a great day everybody! Cheers.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Spiritual Sunday

Hello All,

It has been some time. Today was a beautiful day, and is Valentine's Day. Sadly, we didn't make it to church today for enlightenment, however it was still a Spiritual Sunday. We enjoyed spending time together tonight listening to Wallace "Wally" Goddard (Author of Soft-Spoken Parenting and various other books). It was a great Valentine's Day treat. He was really funny and down-to-earth, anytime you get at chance to listen to him/meet him & his wife I encourage you to do so. [For more about Dr. Wally go to his website here.]

I am still working on my MA degree, I am still doing a project although the project is turning more into a curriculum/course than an active training portfolio. I have been working full-time since late October 2009. Kabaju got a new job on his birthday last month. I thank God for second chances, because of His Grace I was able to sign up to redo my last semester this Spring Semester. We also received our Foster Care License mid-to late December. We are on hold for now, so I can finish my degree, then we can figure out what to do during the hours we aren't here as we both work full-time. However in speaking with Mrs. Goddard as she has been a bereaved mother, and an experienced mother with both biological & has fostered I asked her for some advice. Both she and her husband are very optimistic that God will bless us and lead us so that everything will work out. I agree, I just still have no idea how everything will work out....

It has been a wonderful Spiritual Sunday and I hope yours has been the same.

Have you learned something today?