Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Life Exhaust

Or should it be life is exhausting? I have though, officially applied to graduate this December 2009 with my Master of Art in Communication Leadership from Gonzaga University! Yea! I plan on driving to Spokane, Washington in May 2010 to celebrate and participate in commencement. But in the mean time I have senior fever. You know the:

"I'm nearly done syndrome"
"Can't wait to be done"
"Is this week done & did I finish everything - man I can't seem to focus syndrome"
"The, why am I still in school?" syndrome..... and so forth.

Yep definitely hard to focus. But I've got to, I have to make it!

One of my current classmates mentioned how they admire my strange will to keep going, they're right it is a strong and strange will - but I hate to start something and not finish!

Life is certainly exhausting, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically - it's no wonder we age. After constant trauma over the past 2.5 years, I'm exhausted. But I have an absolutely wonderful (& expensive) Naturopathic Physician who is guiding me towards better self-care and health. She is amazing - she sees me as a real person, not patient number so and so....

And yet, chatting with my whitefire sister, her trauma (thank the lord she and her daughter are still alive!) made mine feel a touch lighter. Yet both our trauma is just as heavy as the others', just obtusely different trials and tribulations.

In just 2.5 years (actually not even that) I have:

Begun Grad school.
Had my husband wreck our car (he was ok).
Beloved Aunt die.
Fix car.
Live apart for 2 months.
Family Wedding & Apartment Hunt.
Have a miscarriage all alone (3-4 mos along).
Work full-time in a pioneer outfit in 100+ degree weather Monday thru Saturday.
Family Wedding.
Bought our first home - of course a fixer-upper, major.
Lived with my grandfather and my Alzhiemer grandmother - and cousin/husband for 8 months.
Hubby's granmother's funeral.
Crappy Job.
Second Miscarriage.
Third Miscarriage.
Temp Job.
No Job.
Hubby's Class
Pre-service Foster Care Classes (32 hours in 1 month)
Bone Cyst.
Hubby's grandfather's funeral.
Fourth Miscarriage.

You tired yet? That doesn't involve all the nitty-gritty of everyday living or fixing up the house or...

Don't get me wrong, life is great, fantastic, enjoyable. Life is certainly yin and yang - good and bad. I have definitely learned a hell of a lot more than I ever would have had I not known all that I know now, and a lot of it only I understand. It makes life all the more precious and meaningful. Even if life's exhaust seems to swallow us whole.