So I got out of my December brace briefly in February. I completed my first spring class just in time for benign vertigo - which is being so dizzy you can't do anything except find a certain position that lessens the nausea, spinning and headache. That was the first Tuesday of March, the first Wednesday of March I was considerably better minus my increasingly swollen ring finger which just healed from the bone cyst being fractured. The pain was all the pains they ask, all of them all at once! Luckily it wasn't broken so we set my surgery date for the following Thursday, March 12, 2009. That week was torture, no pain killer - which I can only take max strength Tylenol, ice or heat - nothing soothed the pain.... I went to work Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday prior to surgery. Talk about pure torture! The Tuesday prior to my surgery the liquid built up in my finger burst and three things happened at once:
1. The pressure release was a relief
2. But at the same time it hurt all the worse because there was nothing padding my empty & near boneless finger
3. And I could feel the wetness under the surface of my finger, then the unquenchable fire flowing down my finger, my hand, my wrist, my arm up into my lmpyhs in my armpit and my jaw, any extra cyst fluid, aka toxin, flowed out my sinus's' down my throat making it too burn like mad. I pushed myself onward, holding back the tears, gagging and nausea to keep working and try to focus on something else (yes I called and left a message for my doctor, and I called my sweet hubby). So I suffered, as I always do, the best I can - and keep going.
Well, I went in early Thursday morning and received more torture as my veins roll and the two people trying to stick me with an IV failed until they finally tried the area I know can be hit best, the inside of my elbow - of course by that point I was completely soaked from my own sweat and shaking so bad, it's a wonder they were able to finally hit it - I was in complete shock and finally passed out in the operating room just as they moved me and administered the anesthetic heavily. The anesthesiologist told my husband as we kissed before rolling me into the surgery "suite" that I wouldn't remember - yea right! Although the stuff used for this surgery was for people like me with an allergy to eggs - so it actually wasn't as bad as the stuff used for my short 20 min EGD. This surgery from the time I went into surgery to the time hubby saw me again was 4.5 hours. I was supposed to rest for the day there - but the ***!!##$% post-op nurse decided without consulting me, my husband or my doctor that I had to wake up and go home! I won't go into any more details, cause it makes me full of anger and bad tongue.
They took bone from my left hip - in order to graft that bone into my ring finger - so moving me was bad - for once in I have no idea how long I was pain free and comfortable, and I was rudely moved...... but that doesn't matter now.
What matters right now is that I am seeking the Lord and especially for Him to accept my fast and prayer for our bishop who is undergoing open-heart surgery unexpectedly. I went to the hospital yesterday - as I found this out just Wednesday night - to see if they were ok. Instead of me comforting his wife, she comforted me - I did not get to see him as he was exhausted from all the poking and prodding.... I pray he does well and comes through and that his recovery is steadfast as the Lord willith.
I thank God that I can now use my finger again, not fully yet, but I can type - I can walk.... pool therapy and hand therapy is truly amazing. It will be two months on May 12th. I pray that bishop will be able to recover to the point he can go home at the end of this month.... and that in June I can visit him sometime.... but for now I pray for good news, I pray he makes it to ICU, then onward from there.
PSALM 39:12 "Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears...."
JOHN 14: 1 "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
13 "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
As a friend whose wife just miscarried their first blurted out "Spring Sucks!"
Ironic really - spring the coming forth of new life, our Savior's precious Atonement all in spring. But maybe that's why it's hard. We need to learn to understand the Atonement our Savior suffered because of His love for all of us.... that strikes me awe and calms my soul. My soul is still pained for the love and concern of those I know and care about. My prayers are also for an old high school friend's little baby as she battles rare brain cancer and for anyone else who needs them. I am no better than anyone else, and I have been weak and sinful for a long time... but I am engraven in my Savior's hands and he has not forgotten or let go of me. My bishop's shocking surgery is a blessing in disguise - I am becoming more fervent in wanting to do better, in seeking out the Lord even more. I have not been able to fast for a long time becuase of my own health, but I am. For the sake of my beloved friends, family, and for my soul.
O, beloved God, help us all! O weak flesh and mere mortal that I am! Foolish I am! Omnipotent and Loving is our Father and Savior! I was once fearful of happiness and joy - now I seek to know them! I embrace my pains, trials and tribulations! O, beloved Father and Savior help and guide us! I emplore Thee oh Most Holy One, hear the cry of my heart.
PSALM 55: 1 "Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.
2 Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise;
4 My heart is sore pained within me..."
PSALM 55:16 "As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me.
17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee...."