Whenever we think of things we really wanted when we were kids, we tended to utilize the bits of manners we decided we could utilize to get said want. One definite way was to work hard on being good, go to the authority figure, bat our eyes - to get that so cute innocent look - ask for what we wanted ending with please, with a cherry on top.
What comes to your mind when you hear the old familiar phrase: "Please, with a cherry on top."
Close your eyes and imagine with me this:
You are at an old-time fountain - a kid all over again full of excitement.
Why? Because you were so very good, that you won over the authority with the purse strings to bring you to this magical place.
This place where the stools have that fascinating swirl of the seat, and it's quirky wobble or squeak...
Where you are just big enough to reach the the counter, but not see over it...
To watch as the person on the other end fulfills the long-awaited want of...
The rush of cold melting, the sweet overwhelming taste of all that pile of sugar set before you...
A glorious mountain of Banana Split Sundae... that's right with a cherry on top, too.
I can remember what that tasted like, although I now have multiple food allergies and it has been years since I have had a banana split of any kind. Now, the bare truth is - a regular cow dairy ice cream split would be a death wish.... and way too much sugar.
The other truth is... that darned ol' cherry on top of anything is not overwhelming and disgustingly sweet as people have made them.
Cherries are yummy... but in there virgin natural state they are tart. The well-known Maraschino cherries are loaded with sugar and sweet syrup to make them super sweet and an eatable dye helps to intensify their stunning bright red color. I do not have anything against food coloring as long as it is safe to ingest. Want to know what the ingredients are for Maraschino cherries? Go here. Want a very short history of maraschino cherries? You can read that here.
We should all know what food coloring is, but if you are curious to read an actual definition you can go here.
Let me clear something up, the dye used in maraschino cherries is Red40, not the red dye made from a red beetle; you can read about it at Snopes.com. Here at ehow.com, you can see a list of different food dyes commonly used. The FDA (U.S. Food & Drug Administration) also has some information about maraschino cherries. For some out there, they could have intolerance or allergies to food dyes.
Thankfully, as far as I know, I am not allergic to food dyes - can I taste synthetic food dyes? Yes, I can, but not in everything.
Why am I writing about this? What does this have to do with anything whatsoever? Well, it's a couple things, really. One, do we really know what we are eating? Two, it's an analogy of sorts to the next bit of this post. What is that you ask? It is in regards to infertility... whoa, did you just read what I wrote? Yes, you did. I said it is an analogy of sorts to infertility.
Anyone who has experienced any kind of infertility will be able to see what I am saying; those that have not, remember the picture of the banana split earlier - the emotions, the taste, the sensation, the entire experience. Aside from my obvious food inhibitions, those same emotions, the sensations, the entire experience can be likened to those whom have had the opportunity to experience becoming biological parents.
Those whom have experienced infertility, but by the Grace of God have after trials and tribulations been finally able to become such, know that the banana split of parenthood is much more than the mound of sugar, and it's intrinsic flavors... oh it is so much more - perhaps even indescribable.
Finally, those whom have gone through infertility and were never, for whatever reason, were able to be biological parents know even more the interdependence of the bitter and the sweet of becoming parents by others means such as fostering and/or adoption.
The banana split is glorious to behold in the form of a family, of a baby, a child... but the cruel reality is, that you can't have the treat. Not yet... not in the way you think... not in the way you want - no matter how many cherries you ask for.... Those cherries are in truth, something else. They are super sugar coated. Life is not sugar coated, and after what I have been through in my short life, shouldn't be, at all. There are some things that I cannot share and that is okay.The truth is, cherries are in reality tart, yes there are some that are a little sweeter, but should we make them into something they are not?
Our infertility is not a problem of getting pregnant, it's a problem of staying pregnant. No one has been able to figure it out. Infertility does not make us into something we are not, but other people seem to.
We found this blog. She writes as plainly as day. I can definitely relate to her. She is a Foster Mom who has also experienced infertility; and in so doing as created her blog and is currently holding a contest for this book about infertility. Her and her husband were married only ~3 months before Kabaju and I. It is certainly interesting how the world of blogging in the world wide web/internet has found us fellows within heavily similar struggles as our own. Whether or not I am randomly picked as winner, I will definitely be looking for the book at the library. Anyone that reads this, I encourage you to do the same; and take a look at her journey. No one is alone, we only think we are - and no amount of asking please for sugared up cherries will get us anywhere. Embrace your reality, do not make it into something else. There really is a reason for everything. It is hard, I know.