Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Life Goes On

People have asked me if we're going to get another placement when Princess Frog leaves. I proceed to tell them, "No. We'll take a break first." They look at me like I'm nuts or something...

So, my analogy is this:

No sensible person that just had a hard miscarriage or gave birth would immediately turn around and get pregnant again - like the day or week or month after.

So why, would Foster Parents do the same by going through a very difficult placement turn around and take another one right away? That's just insane.

Well, we are taking a break.

Later next week will mark 1 month that Princess Frog has been gone out of our lives. She left the day she came home to us - a total of 7 months. We were her second (2nd) home - she had already been in Foster Care for 1 month.

Court was rather nuts and interesting all rolled into one and took a while. In the end, judge's ultimatum was to extend services provided by DCFS so that bio mom was given yet again, another chance - 3 more months. By law bio mom only originally had 8 months to get Princess Frog back. We happened to get the nicest judge in the courthouse that likes to give second chances despite contradicting judge's self.

So after more things going on, the GAL (guardian ad litem) [Princess Frog's attorney] and her caseworker decided to just move her in with bio mom and see whether they would sink or swim. Word is: They are swimming. I am glad that Princess Frog is doing well with her bio mom, but I also sorely miss my baby girl. She has certainly left a hole in our lives, but we are learning to move on.

We were told numerous times by the GAL and caseworker (who have been doing this for years) that Princess Frog's case is the strangest, weirdest, hardest, most crazy case they have ever had and seen. [Just my "luck".] Usually cases are a lot more smooth, because they tend to know what will happen at some early point - this case, the entirety of it, no one knew what would happen - for 8 months no one knew where or what would happen with Princess Frog and her bio mom in the end. We are beyond the end, know we finally know.... unless something else happens - which if Princess Frog for some unseen reason ends up leaving her bio mom again, she will come home to us and stay.

People have commented about why we didn't fight for her more. I'll tell you why: Foster Parents do not have the rights that Biological Parents have to their biological child(ren). Foster Parents are the child(ren)s advocate and a resource (a safe family to live with), but we really don't have much say. I have been told we do have say, but I sure don't feel like it; but maybe I just didn't know what to say or how to say it. If Princess Frog had not immediately moved in (2 days after court), we would have just repeated what we had already repeated multiple times and drug everything out longer... it was better for Princess Frog to just move and see what happened to help reduce further confusion, anger, and traumatization for her. I feel more sorry for what she has had to go through, than what I have had to go through.

Our lives have changed about every six months for the past few years - so we are used to it, and we even embrace change. Change is hard, absolutely. Change is the only true constant in life, and I accept that constant. (Yes, that is also an oxymoron.)

For those following this blog, don't be afraid to be a foster parent to someone. Fostering is well worth all the human emotions and paperwork it entails. The children are worth it! If you are interesting in Fostering or providing Respite please visit the Utah Foster Care Foundation website for contact information.


Evenspor said...

Thanks for the update. I really admire you guys for being able to do this and wish PF well.

I don't understand why people would expect you to take on a new charge right away either. That sounds crazy to me.

Ecologista said...

Your welcome. I decided to just do the update this way, because of how insane the case was, I was tired of telling people over and over and over; and then couldn't remember who I had told what and when.

I'm glad you think it's crazy to take another one right away, because it would be... I think it's because they don't understand, and they never will. I have been asked by people of all ages... but I've been nice to just say, "no, we're taking a break" instead of something like this: This person is a grandparent - "Well, since you ask me that, let me first ask you: so are you going to get a new grandchild right away when one of yours dies?"

Ouch, I know. Really, it is a slap in my face; but they don't understand and I recognize that they don't understand so I won't say mean things like the mean example above. Even Kabaju cringed when I gave him that example.

I'm sure I could think of a response for all ages, but why waste my energy on that kind of ironic negativity? I'm used to being beat up mentally and emotionally. I am human and have made similar mistakes in my life.