Ecology of Life

A Thought

2011-07-11T22:13:00.004-06:00

“Women must first develop courage. Courage is the most important of all virtues because without courage, they cannot practice any other virtue consistently. A woman can be kind, fair, strong, generous, courteous and even loving, erratically. But to be that continuously, consistently, you have to have courage.”

–Maya Angelou

Pulled from: http://myhopefuljourney.com/courageous-women

Also I really like this poem.

Adoption

2011-06-14T22:05:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned adoption quite a bit while talking about infertility. As I have

previously mentioned, adoption is quite daunting for both sides. To give you an

idea of how overwhelming it can be and what the process is like I have listed below

lots and lots of links to various websites. If you are interested in Adoption, please

feel free to use these links as needed and I do wish you the best. The range in cost

I have found to be ~$10,000-50,000 (I tend to focus on domestic adoption, but

international tends to be ~$15,000-50,000).

Please remember overall that Adoption is a truly selfless act of love. It is amazing

what adoption can do for so many lives. I hope to one day experience the miracle of

adoption and be able to thank a birthmother/parent/family. We hope to do so debt free.

Please be aware that I am NOT affiliated nor do I endorse any of the sites listed. I

have these sites merely from searching about adoption. This is by no means a completely

exhaustive list either - there are many more agencies out there that I have not listed.

These lists are arranged via alphabetical order. 

Mainly for Birthmothers/BirthParent(s):
  
Adoption Planners 
I Heart Adoption  
Little Angel Adoptions

The Adoption Foundation


Adoption (many of these sites are for both adoptive families and birth families):

A Act of Love
Adoption.com

Adopt Help
Adoption Network Law Center

   (We requested further information and found out their costs range from $30,000-40,000)

American Adoptions

Adopt US Kids

A Baby Step  
    FAQ for A Baby Step Adoption

Beacon House Adoption Services

    Beacon House Process and Application for Domestic Adoption

A Child's Dream

    Process for A Child's Dream

Crossroads Adoption Services

    An Application from Crossroads
Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children's Service Society

Direct Adoptions  (This website is not an agency. It is a place to create a profile and

                                 connect directly with birthfamilies; see brochure link).

    Brochure for Direct Adoptions  (Price for membership: ~$300, plus ~$60 per month)

Heart to Heart

    Summary of Process for Heart to Heart Adoptions

    Applications & Home Study Packets for Heart to Heart

    Fees for Heart to Heart Adoptions

Hoping to Adopt

Independent Adoption Center

It's About Love 
My Adoption Agencies  (A search for agencies in Utah, but you can search your state.)
National Adoption Center

National Adoption Foundation

    Fund Your Adoption

Parent Profiles (This website is similar to Direct Adoptions. Cost is ~$100 per month).

Premier Adoption 
    Premier Adoption Cost  
The Adoption Center

The Adoption Exchange 
Utah Department of Human Services    
Utah's Child & Family Services Adoption Connection 
  

Resources:

Financial Aid 
Affording Adoption Foundation
Gift of Adoption Fund

Infertility ABC

2011-05-17T14:39:00.000-06:00

So, I found the ABC's of Infertility over at Not Sugar Coated to be interesting and thought it would be even more interesting to fill it out and see what the difference in infertility would be like in the alphabet.....

Here goes....

A) Age when you started TTC: I think TTC = Trying To Conceive?   No problem there! Just stop using male & female birth control and the rest = pregnant....

B) Baby Dancing or Sex:   Sex

C) Children wanted:   Um.... 3 is a good number but so is 5.... I honestly don't remember what we both said... but then again before the miscarriages I really didn't want any... or at least I was not ready and had no idea when I would be.

D) Dog/Cat/Fill in Children: No dog or cat - have allergies... but would like one of each. We are Foster Parents: right now no child(ren).

E) Essential oils/ Vitamins/ Snail Oils: I take a prenatal; have been for some time.

F) Fertility meds I've taken:   Progesterone. I don't think Birth control pills or the Nuvaring counts....

G) Gain: Uh... well before I met my husband and I entered college I lost 22 pounds - didn't mean to! I was very disgustingly skin and bones.... I worked on gaining and maintaining.... Got married just before my 3rd year of college. Lived in a hell hole, then moved to a really nice place - while there I stabilized and went from an ill 125/130 to a healthier 150 and stayed for at least a year... then the last month of school & graduating I became pregnant with #1. I lost #1 Easter 2007 at 4 months going on 5 months.... I weighed myself just after the loss and I seem to remember being around 180.... Well, I just can't seem to drop below 165.

H) HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Not sure what this is.... Never been done. I've done an SIS and other imaging.

I) Infertile Pet Peeves: I feel like people don't accept that miscarriage is natural & is a form of infertility - neither is shameful. The taboos of society that suffocate open advocacy and support for those of us that have miscarried. The feeling of shame. The feeling of loneliness and abandonment because I have miscarried. Not being accepted for who I am. "Advice." Just don't give it, please - I'm tired of hearing it (a hug is always appreciated and acknowledgement of what I just informed you of).

J) Job title: Currently Myself. I have been: Adjunct Faculty at the Community College, Foster Mom, both Grad & Undergrad Student, and many more!

K) Kids name you're afraid will be taken by the time you have kids: Girl's name became common: Eliza. Boy's name: Bryce.

L) Length of time TTC: Uh..... well see M.

M) Miscarriages: 7 in 4 years.... 2007: 1; 2008: 2; 2009: 2; 2010: 2.    Planned: # 3 & 5. Unexpected: #1, & 2. Chance: #4. Not on Birth Control of anykind (nothing planned, but no avoidance either): #6 & 7.

N) Number of times you've switched OB/GYN's, RE's: Moved away from college after graduation and first miscarriage (had no $ to see a doctor before move)... got in to a horrible Midwife who was of no help whatsoever & didn't check to make sure everything was fine... Got into an OB/GYN 3 months after first miscarriage (which, yes everything was fine - no D&C). Insurance changed via husband's employer + OB/GYN office moved did not provide new contact.... So got OB/GYN #2 (really disliked him), he confirmed miscarriage #3, and did imaging and some bloodwork.... switched to Midwife #2 in same office.... husband's employer changed, so insurance changed 2 more times. After a good length of time, now have new OB/GYN #3 and will be seeing first RE next month.

O) Ovarian quality: PCOS (Mainly the left one, so is "minor", but has not been looked into any further - was confirmed by PCP via imaging results that OB/GYN #2 sent me in to have done....

P) POAS or wait for AF:   I honestly have no idea what the hell this means.....

Q) Quote from an obnoxious fertile:   Advice of anykind.... The look of well, miscarriage does not count as infertility or the look of shame and shock at my bluntness about such things! "You can always adopt."

S) Sperm: He has yet to be tested.... but obviously I have been pregnant multiple times.... guess we'll find out in the near future.

T) Time tried naturally:   Refer back to M. Although I was put on the progesterone just before #2.

U) Uterus: It's fine and dandy, except for one small abnormality - which I have been told is no big deal... OB/GYN #3 wants to find out if Endometriosis exists there......

V) Vagina: Hahaha.... It's had it's share of probing and problems that confound the doctors to the point of: they have no idea what to do. They tell me all looks and feels "normal" but certain things I describe are not...... It remains an annoying mystery - so I take herbal remedies that seem to actually help.....

W) What baby stuff do you have already: When doing foster care you need the basics so before we ever had a baby in the house: a pack n play, crib sheets, blanket, car seat, space-saver high chair, stroller, a few bottles, and baby bowls/utensils. We began with only those things... we really did not have anything else - the baby's bed is the pack n play. We don't know what age/size or gender the child will be. We did also prepare with a twin bed in case we got a child that was old enough/big enough to sleep in it. Now, after 1 placement and thanks to the generosity of my sister-in-law, I have quite a bit of clothing on hand. We also now have children's tylenol/ibprofen too.

X) X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?:   Those who actually open their ears beyond hearing "miscarriage, can't carry" and don't proceed with their idea of advice.... Some of our family and friends, and who ever reads my blog!

Y) Yearly Exam. Do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?:   Yes. The exam isn't just those lady parts down low, but involves the ones up high too... the girls should not be forgotten. I haven't undergone regular fertility stuff.... yet.

Z) Zits: Ever since puberty... that's nothing new. They have tended to scar my face, because they are deep.

Infertility = Shame

2011-04-26T11:03:00.008-06:00

Resolve Blog Challenge

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines shame as: "1: a painful sense of having done something wrong, improper, or immodest 2: DISGRACE, DISHONOR   3: A cause of feeling shame 4: something to be regretted"

Merriam-Webster Thesaurus:
           Synonym(s): "DISGRACE"
           Related Words: "chagrin, embarrassment; guilt, mortification, self-reproach, self-reproof"

How does it make you feel to read those definitions, synonyms, and related words? Who are you? How does this relate to you?

You may be someone who is not affected by infertility. You may be someone who is not affected, but knows someone that is living with infertility. You may be someone like me; someone that is both directly and indirectly affected by infertility.

No matter who you are, we all need to be aware of each other and the effects that myths can have. I know that people tend to have good intentions when giving their "advice" when it comes to my... shhh don't say it too loud or you may shock others... INFERTILITY PROBLEMS. Myth: It is shameful to talk about infertility. It is not shameful. Infertility is just misunderstood, misconstrued, and under-talked-about. We should not, and cannot keep the secret taboos of past generations bottled up. Infertility affects millions, we are not alone, and we should not stand alone. It does not need to be everybody's business - that's up to you who you tell what - but we should also find support; it's hard. I am glad that I have a close friend, a cousin, and blogs by people that I can turn to for support - as they too have suffered some form of infertility.

Myth: Infertility = Not being able to get Pregnant; Miscarriage does not count. This is so classic; especially for me. I think this myth comes from how we both define and perceive infertility.

Dictionary defines infertile as: "not fertile or productive : BARREN...."
Thesaurus: Synonyms: "STERILE, BARREN"; Related Words: "depleted, drained, exhausted, impoverished"; and of course it also gives the opposite, the Contrasted Words: "breeding, generating, propagating, reproducing"; Antonym: "fertile".

In the King James Bible, we see the word Barren used whenever referring to mainly a woman that has not been able to have a child(ren); with a few references toward unproductive land. You can find this term in these chapters:
                       Genesis: 11, 25, 29, 30 ; Exodus: 23 ;
                       Deuteronomy: 7 ; Judges: 13 ; 1 Samual: 1, 2 ;
                       2 Kings: 2 ; Pslams: 11 ; Isaiah: 54 ; Luke: 1, 23 ;
                       Galatians: 4 ; 2 Peter: 1
Miscarriage is only mentioned as caused by another injuring the pregnant woman to the point of loss (Exodus 21:22). The list that has to do with the opposite is very lengthy.

I always have people "advising" me what to do, what to take, who to go to so I can get pregnant.... I don't have a problem of getting pregnant, I have a problem of staying pregnant. I suffer from multiple recurrent miscarriage.

Myth: We shouldn't talk about miscarriage, because it is shameful. Miscarriage = Abortion. There still exists societal taboos about infertility and miscarriage... which are wanting to be broken! We need to talk about infertility & miscarriage. Yes, it can be very painful and uncomfortable to talk about; but that is because we tend to perceive it as shameful. Miscarriage tends to be related to Abortion. Miscarriage is what medical professionals label as "natural abortion" - it is a natural phenomenon where the body for whatever reason ends, breaks down, and does away with the pregnancy. Miscarriage is NOT the same as forced clinical abortion.

Myth: It’s the woman’s fault. It takes Male and Female combined to make a baby. The woman is only half the equation. I have tended to blame myself for my multiple recurrent miscarriages. Nothing can be done; when you don't know what the cause is. The majority of miscarriage is unknown, a small percent has to do with multiple factors stemming from genetics.

Myth: My husband does not need to get checked - his boys are just fine. I have not had any problems with getting pregnant, I have problems with staying pregnant... and no one knows why except God and He sure isn't telling. So in my mind, there's nothing wrong with my husband - it's all me.... he has yet to be tested for anything, but is open to him being tested.

Myth: As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant. This is another classic heard by many. Sure, so-and-so that you know actually had this happen.... but guess what? I'm not that person! I also have not had the chance to adopt... have you ever looked into adoption? The process is quite daunting... and on our recent foster care placement it was up in the air so many times, and so many times we were told it was going to adoption, then it was in the air, then the baby was going back to bio-parent, then in the air.... urrrg!

Myth: If you see a certain doctor or take a certain herbal remedy you'll get pregnant, because so-&-so did. So what! That's not going to change the fact that every-time I get pregnant - I don't have a problem with getting pregnant, I have a problem with staying pregnant - I miscarry. Every. Time! In fact, I have been pregnant so many times, I wonder sometimes if I should bother.... but then I would be looked down upon as "giving up."

Myth: If you look into fostering, adoption, or other ways to create your family it means you have "given up" on having your own. Have I really. I spent a great day with a sibling and their spouse recently... and happened to mention fostering and adoption. The response of one of them immediately was something like this: "Well, we haven't given up on having our own." I didn't say I had given up... Just because my husband and I are open to different options of creating our family does not mean we have "given up" on having our own. No one, I think that suffers some form of infertility ever wants to "give up" - you just eventually come to accept who you are and how unique your family situation is. My husband told me some time ago that he has accepted the fact that for whatever reason unknown to mankind, we may not be able to be biological parents, and that is okay. I'm still working through the whole process.

We have a lot of negative language, that can be turned positive.... Post ways on how you and I, we, can do this; I would like to see what people think.

Infertility 101
National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW)

Cherry Truth

2011-04-21T14:55:00.000-06:00

Whenever we think of things we really wanted when we were kids, we tended to utilize the bits of manners we decided we could utilize to get said want. One definite way was to work hard on being good, go to the authority figure, bat our eyes - to get that so cute innocent look - ask for what we wanted ending with please, with a cherry on top.

What comes to your mind when you hear the old familiar phrase: "Please, with a cherry on top."

Close your eyes and imagine with me this:

You are at an old-time fountain - a kid all over again full of excitement.
Why? Because you were so very good, that you won over the authority with the purse strings to bring you to this magical place.
This place where the stools have that fascinating swirl of the seat, and it's quirky wobble or squeak...
Where you are just big enough to reach the the counter, but not see over it...
To watch as the person on the other end fulfills the long-awaited want of...
The rush of cold melting, the sweet overwhelming taste of all that pile of sugar set before you...
A glorious mountain of Banana Split Sundae... that's right with a cherry on top, too.

I can remember what that tasted like, although I now have multiple food allergies and it has been years since I have had a banana split of any kind. Now, the bare truth is - a regular cow dairy ice cream split would be a death wish.... and way too much sugar.

The other truth is... that darned ol' cherry on top of anything is not overwhelming and disgustingly sweet as people have made them.

Cherries are yummy... but in there virgin natural state they are tart. The well-known Maraschino cherries are loaded with sugar and sweet syrup to make them super sweet and an eatable dye helps to intensify their stunning bright red color. I do not have anything against food coloring as long as it is safe to ingest. Want to know what the ingredients are for Maraschino cherries? Go here. Want a very short history of maraschino cherries? You can read that here.

We should all know what food coloring is, but if you are curious to read an actual definition you can go here.

Let me clear something up, the dye used in maraschino cherries is Red40, not the red dye made from a red beetle; you can read about it at Snopes.com. Here at ehow.com, you can see a list of different food dyes commonly used. The FDA (U.S. Food & Drug Administration) also has some information about maraschino cherries. For some out there, they could have intolerance or allergies to food dyes.

Thankfully, as far as I know, I am not allergic to food dyes - can I taste synthetic food dyes? Yes, I can, but not in everything.

Why am I writing about this? What does this have to do with anything whatsoever? Well, it's a couple things, really. One, do we really know what we are eating? Two, it's an analogy of sorts to the next bit of this post. What is that you ask? It is in regards to infertility... whoa, did you just read what I wrote? Yes, you did. I said it is an analogy of sorts to infertility.

How so?

Anyone who has experienced any kind of infertility will be able to see what I am saying; those that have not, remember the picture of the banana split earlier - the emotions, the taste, the sensation, the entire experience. Aside from my obvious food inhibitions, those same emotions, the sensations, the entire experience can be likened to those whom have had the opportunity to experience becoming biological parents.

Those whom have experienced infertility, but by the Grace of God have after trials and tribulations been finally able to become such, know that the banana split of parenthood is much more than the mound of sugar, and it's intrinsic flavors... oh it is so much more - perhaps even indescribable.

Finally, those whom have gone through infertility and were never, for whatever reason, were able to be biological parents know even more the interdependence of the bitter and the sweet of becoming parents by others means such as fostering and/or adoption.

The banana split is glorious to behold in the form of a family, of a baby, a child... but the cruel reality is, that you can't have the treat. Not yet... not in the way you think... not in the way you want - no matter how many cherries you ask for.... Those cherries are in truth, something else. They are super sugar coated. Life is not sugar coated, and after what I have been through in my short life, shouldn't be, at all. There are some things that I cannot share and that is okay.The truth is, cherries are in reality tart, yes there are some that are a little sweeter, but should we make them into something they are not?

Our infertility is not a problem of getting pregnant, it's a problem of staying pregnant. No one has been able to figure it out. Infertility does not make us into something we are not, but other people seem to.

We found this blog. She writes as plainly as day. I can definitely relate to her. She is a Foster Mom who has also experienced infertility; and in so doing as created her blog and is currently holding a contest for this book about infertility. Her and her husband were married only ~3 months before Kabaju and I. It is certainly interesting how the world of blogging in the world wide web/internet has found us fellows within heavily similar struggles as our own. Whether or not I am randomly picked as winner, I will definitely be looking for the book at the library. Anyone that reads this, I encourage you to do the same; and take a look at her journey. No one is alone, we only think we are - and no amount of asking please for sugared up cherries will get us anywhere. Embrace your reality, do not make it into something else. There really is a reason for everything. It is hard, I know.

St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-14T12:52:00.000-06:00

I am going to say it early - 3 days early - Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Since St. Patty's day this year is on a Thursday, we celebrated this past Saturday the 12th of March in the St. Patrick's Day Parade at the Gateway in Salt Lake City, Utah. For some pictures follow this link.

We walked with the Utah Food Allergy Network (UFAN). Kabaju is of course our juggler, everybody loved him. I and another UFAN member got to hold the sign. We had a blast! It was a long parade and our first time going. Seems we end up in the parades lately rather than being spectators.

Pictures

2011-03-09T19:32:00.001-07:00

Heeby-Jeebies

2011-03-09T13:52:00.019-07:00

I am doing this separate post since it is a separate topic, and the other post was already long enough.

After living with knowing what my real food allergies are for 3 years, I have finally owned up to a big fear of mine.

I now own EpiPens (with a training device). That's right... I suffer from Needlephobia.

I have had this phobia for as long as I can remember. Added to that, no matter how well I can focus on something, anything else, even talking to the other people in the room (myself & the nurse/phlebotimist or my husband) I can still feel everything from them rubbing the cool alcohol swab, to them poking at my veins (which still tends to cause minor anxiety), to putting the "butterfly" around my arm to the final moment of the "prick" of the needle, and all the while, feeling the vein that is losing blood, to the blood flowing out into the little tube - to the final removal and relief of having the needle removed. Then the aftermath minor pain, the minor bruising of where they stuck me. I have learned to tell them that my veins roll, otherwise, they tend to miss, which causes me to escalate from anxiety to panic mode - not to mention the physical pain. At this point, hopefully I have not seen the needle... because I don't need that on top of cold shock. Yes, I have gone into cold shock when people have missed and have had to try again. Yes, I have had veins collapse - that really hurts and guarantees cold shock.

The typical blood drawing for testing, I have been able to do alone, because I have been able to teach myself how to try to focus on other things, before and during. Another very simple, but very important point I have learned is to tell them NOT to let me see the needle, not even a glimpse - otherwise forget it. What has been the worst for me is when I have had to get an IV. My experience with IV's have been bad, really bad, and thankfully, I have only had 3. Two (2) out of the 3 were an absolute nightmare! All of those, I have had Kabaju with me. I told him from the beginning about my worst phobia, needlephobia, but he didn't understand the extent until I got my first IV - I was sicker than sick and I still went from anxiety to panic mode, all while trying not to throw up and bury my head in his upper torso, to keep me from seeing anything and try to focus on him. He then agreed after that experience, that I was not joking.

*Shiver* Just writing this, I can still feel the aftermath ache of where they just recently stuck me. Before I picked up my EpiPens, just the thought of actually and finally getting them to carry everywhere I go, has given me the heeby-jeebies (makes me shutter, shiver, urg). Now that, I have practiced with the training device, it's not so hard to use - easy really - but I just hope if we ever have to use the EpiPen(s), that I won't feel those nerves on the side of my thigh that hurt when I used the training device. I also actually don't have the heeby-jeebies now that I have the EpiPens - but I will avoid touching their box as much as possible until I am forced to use them. The training device does not have needle so it will be used often to train family and friends - children will not be allowed to play with it - it is to train for emergency, not for fun.

For more information about EpiPens go to the EpiPen website. EpiPens are only given by a prescribing physician and a pharmacy. There are no over-the-counter alternatives. If you, or a loved one, or someone you know has an allergic reaction, but does not carry an EpiPen call 911 and tell the operator that they need Epinephrine or an EpiPen. Or, if they do carry one, learn how to use it and then make sure they get further medical attention. Do not practice with the actual EpiPen. Again for further information go to the EpiPen website, or talk with a medical professional. I am not a medical professional.

This website does not constitute medical and/or legal advise and should not be relied upon as such. All information and suggestions offered are based on my own personal experiences and individual research. My goal is discussion, feedback and further education. As an active member of this blog, you accept personal responsibility for any actions you take with the information shared. Your qualified personal physician is your most important resource for individual allergy needs.

Life Goes On

2011-03-09T13:14:00.006-07:00

People have asked me if we're going to get another placement when Princess Frog leaves. I proceed to tell them, "No. We'll take a break first." They look at me like I'm nuts or something...

So, my analogy is this:

No sensible person that just had a hard miscarriage or gave birth would immediately turn around and get pregnant again - like the day or week or month after.

So why, would Foster Parents do the same by going through a very difficult placement turn around and take another one right away? That's just insane.

Well, we are taking a break.

Later next week will mark 1 month that Princess Frog has been gone out of our lives. She left the day she came home to us - a total of 7 months. We were her second (2nd) home - she had already been in Foster Care for 1 month.

Court was rather nuts and interesting all rolled into one and took a while. In the end, judge's ultimatum was to extend services provided by DCFS so that bio mom was given yet again, another chance - 3 more months. By law bio mom only originally had 8 months to get Princess Frog back. We happened to get the nicest judge in the courthouse that likes to give second chances despite contradicting judge's self.

So after more things going on, the GAL (guardian ad litem) [Princess Frog's attorney] and her caseworker decided to just move her in with bio mom and see whether they would sink or swim. Word is: They are swimming. I am glad that Princess Frog is doing well with her bio mom, but I also sorely miss my baby girl. She has certainly left a hole in our lives, but we are learning to move on.

We were told numerous times by the GAL and caseworker (who have been doing this for years) that Princess Frog's case is the strangest, weirdest, hardest, most crazy case they have ever had and seen. [Just my "luck".] Usually cases are a lot more smooth, because they tend to know what will happen at some early point - this case, the entirety of it, no one knew what would happen - for 8 months no one knew where or what would happen with Princess Frog and her bio mom in the end. We are beyond the end, know we finally know.... unless something else happens - which if Princess Frog for some unseen reason ends up leaving her bio mom again, she will come home to us and stay.

People have commented about why we didn't fight for her more. I'll tell you why: Foster Parents do not have the rights that Biological Parents have to their biological child(ren). Foster Parents are the child(ren)s advocate and a resource (a safe family to live with), but we really don't have much say. I have been told we do have say, but I sure don't feel like it; but maybe I just didn't know what to say or how to say it. If Princess Frog had not immediately moved in (2 days after court), we would have just repeated what we had already repeated multiple times and drug everything out longer... it was better for Princess Frog to just move and see what happened to help reduce further confusion, anger, and traumatization for her. I feel more sorry for what she has had to go through, than what I have had to go through.

Our lives have changed about every six months for the past few years - so we are used to it, and we even embrace change. Change is hard, absolutely. Change is the only true constant in life, and I accept that constant. (Yes, that is also an oxymoron.)

For those following this blog, don't be afraid to be a foster parent to someone. Fostering is well worth all the human emotions and paperwork it entails. The children are worth it! If you are interesting in Fostering or providing Respite please visit the Utah Foster Care Foundation website for contact information.

I yi yi

2011-02-07T23:11:00.002-07:00

My how time does fly.... So, January was back and forth, back and forth, up in the air, as the ball in a major ping-pong ball game hitting all the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and getting stuck somewhere in the lost reaches of the belly of the table. That is how I would describe the case since I last wrote.

Most recent update: We have had Princess Frog the entire time. She had two day visits, and then the ball vanished in the air. We have no idea what's going on. That is the nature of her unique case... it's just plain weird and really, really hard. But she is soooo worth it.

Court is very soon. It is a very important date - this time the judge really will need to rule an ultimatum... hopefully not a 3 month extension. The case needs to end for Princess Frog's sake. She needs to be able to settle down and stabilize... and just stay put. Wherever that may be, we just pray that what happens, happens in her best interest.

I decided too, at this point to drop my second class... : ( Just thinking about it made me want to cry... just too much stress and I'm working on building my lesson plans. Another time, I'll pick it up and give it a go. For now, I'm madly working on grading the 30 (down to 20) papers that were handed to me a little while ago... since I'm a tad behind due to illness running around lose in my house. It's going to be a long week, been booked a while, and last minute too. Next week is now also officially booked full... and following will be interesting depending if we actually get to join Kabaju on a partial business trip to somewhere a little less frigged, but withing driving distance..... Ya, this month will just be more and more interesting.

All I have to say is I yi, yi! I hear Zzzzzzz's a calling me.

Case

2010-12-16T19:17:00.003-07:00

So, the update after meeting with Princess Frog's biological mom is that we are looking at moving Princess Frog in with biological mom in about 1 month. We have court next week before Christmas, and there the Judge will decide ultimately what and when things will happen.... Either way, Princess Frog will need to be moved in with biological mom in 2 months or have some decision within the next 2 months. We will see what happens, when and how and all that good stuff. We're just glad there's finally light at the end of a long and hard tunnel. Relief is on it's way, but we do feel sorry for Princess Frog at only 1.5 years old - she ultimately has to deal with whatever happens. We love her, and wish her the best.

I am grateful to those that donated gifts so she has a good Christmas through the Utah Foster Care Foundation. After this, we will be taking a break until summer, then who knows? When we are ready we will open up to another child in need. Unless, of course Princess Frog comes back....

I will be teaching two classes this coming spring semester - one full semester long, one that won't start until March and is half semester. Right now am working on getting finals graded and then will get grades submitted. Next week is completely booked.... every day we have something to do with Princess Frog's case for the first three days. Then other appointments and dealing with current car troubles. It will be nice to have Kabaju home all week.

Time Flies Part II

2010-11-16T00:05:00.003-07:00

Hello all,

I am back; obviously. Yes, I am late, but late is better than never. Right where were we? Oh yes, if you remember this part - when I began writing our story as Foster Parents. A lot has happened, naturally. In life, things happen all the time.

So, after meeting with her caseworker, I contacted the her current foster family. That's right, we are her second foster family. Her first family are really good people, but it was too much. She is a hard baby... I'll explain soon. I got to meet Princess Frog (has we have dubbed her) the next day, on Friday. I brought home her information that the family had and some of her things they gave her. Thank goodness, because I sure did not have any toys for a growing toddler! Later in the evening, Kabaju went back with me and also got to meet her. We went back the following morning and picked her up and brought her home.

Now, let me make something very clear here. Typically, when people have children (biological), they get pregnant and have 9 months to prepare for their family. Our family, started with a phone call. Period. Keep in mind, we brought her home at 13.5 months old and teething like none other! She is our first. We are first time parents. Now, for the typical biological family, after the 9 months of gestation, is the experience of birth, and then they have the next 13 months to get to know that new personality. We got Princess Frog at 13.5 months and teething overnight. At the time, we were helping out a friend that was out of work. So, as our house only has two small usable bedrooms - she was in ours with us for about a month. We had a lot to learn about how to help a baby manage teething pains. I knew some things, but ended up with some confusion about medicine to use, plus we had none anyway. What fun!

One more thing to make very clear. This child is 13.5 months old, and at this point has moved 3 times in ~1 month. The first time was when she was removed from the unsafe environment she was in prior to entering the foster care system. Then she was moved into her first foster family. (I'm not entirely sure where she stayed prior to being placed with her first foster family). Then she moved in with us. Believe me, a baby knows many things and is quite aware. We knew this. Just watching her confirmed her awareness. So, with it came a lot of anger, frustration, confusion, more anger and fear. I could see it plainly in her face and her behavior. It was near impossible to get a small smile out of her - I don't think she even understood in the beginning what smiling was. She screamed and cried most of the time - when she was taking a nap, my ears would be ringing with the sound of her screaming and crying. The rest of the time, she didn't do anything - no noise. She would become easily over-frustrated and tantrum furiously. That is an understatement.

She has stabilized with us in the past 5.5 months. She laughs, smiles all the time, and talks a lot. She was very small when we got her. A mere ~18 LBs and ~21 inches tall. Now, she is 30 inches tall, and 20 LBs. She finally has some hair, barely, and her two bottom front teeth, and now two upper front teeth are through. Thank God! She didn't really have much to her legs, but now they are fat for a skinny baby and strong. She has been walking for ~1.5 months. She imitates a lot, and says many words. She is very, very smart. She will follow instructions and listens - even when it is obvious she does not want to. She loves to have stories read to her. : )

However, the sad thing is, visitation has started with her biological mom. She is regressing quickly to how she was in the beginning. She had not seen her biological mom since May or June. Her first visit was last week. Second visit this week. She is using less words, and screaming more again. Last week, the day prior to her first visit she had anxiety, and woke up screaming and hitting herself on the head after her nap. Thankfully she let me pick her up and I was able to console her. In the past, when she has lost all control, there is no consoling her. She used to scream and cry for anywhere from 1-3 hours straight at a time. Now, her longest time is an hour; shortest time is 15 minutes. We got her off of her extreme addiction to the bottle - I really hope she does not regress here.

The day of her first visit, she was silent. She acted depressed. Even when I spoke to her, I could barely get anything out of her. She had a loss of appetite. She is not even 1.5 years old. The other thing she did recently, is after I changed her diaper, she freaked out - literally - for no apparent reason. She sat up and let herself fall back hard enough to bang her head on the floor. She did it quickly enough she banged her head a few times, before I could get her off the floor and in her crib where it was safer for her. And let her scream. It was very angry, nothing but pure fury. When I was telling her what was coming to prepare her for her first visit, she gave me a very dark angry look. We have no choice, by law we have to take her to the visits. We do not know how long this will go on for... we do not know what will happen.

This is the life of a Foster Parent. Not to mention all the mounds of paperwork we have to do. Since visitation has started, I created a behavior watch. Where we write down extreme behaviors to provide evidence on how all this is affecting her. We have to do paperwork whenever we drive her somewhere, or do case activity. We have to paperwork every single time she goes to the doctor. Which is a lot for her; her system is near impossible to balance. Even though we figured out she is lactose intolerant. We have to do in-service training to keep our license which we just sent in the renewal paperwork and had the licensor come to the annual home inspection. Then there are the monthly visits by her caseworker. Sometimes we have visits from her GAL, or our RFC. Then there are the times to go to court, take her to visits, and meetings.

Before any of this, we did 32 hours of pre-service training, a mound of paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, and a home-study where we were also interviewed.

Foster Parenting is a lot harder and a lot more work than biological parenting. Foster parents are left to their own by others that shower biological parents with friendship, meals, gifts. I am especially grateful for my sister-in-law, Nat. She has rescued me multiple times. She has come and got us to get out of the house. She checks in to see how we are. We help each other out with babysitting. She is an amazing beautician - she always helps me feel good about myself again. I am also grateful for Kabaju's sister Evenspor and her family that were so very generous and thoughtful of us. They gave us a huge box of diapers. She said it was for our baby shower - which has never existed. I was speechless, I nearly cried. So again, to Spors in the Desert, Thank You! I have family that did give Princess Frog a blanket, and of course, my Aunt that watches her while I teach at a local college - I don't know what I would do without my Aunt.

Side story: The people I was in contact with before life happened, called me two weeks prior to my class starting and asked if I would come teach. They came to me, with unfinished application, as I had been referred by a reputable professional - one of their own - and I took the opportunity. We are in a routine, and when running late Princess Frog always gets after me by saying, "Go, go!"

I have experienced so many emotions... and I am human. The heart is for breaking over and over again, so we become more aware of the beautiful things of life.

Dear God, please hear our prayers and our heartaches! Please.

By the Sweat of My Face

2010-10-02T12:08:00.002-06:00

Please bear with me for a moment. Instead of writing more right now about our story of becoming Foster Parents I'm going to write some on my struggle with food allergies.

It is written in holy script:

Gen. 3: 19
19 In the ^asweat of thy face shalt thou eat ^bbread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for ^cdust thou art, and unto ^ddust shalt thou return.
Moses 4: 25
25 By the ^asweat of thy ^bface shalt thou eat bread, until thou shalt return unto the ground—for thou shalt surely die—for out of it wast thou taken: for ^cdust thou wast, and unto dust shalt thou return.

(http://scriptures.lds.org/en/search?search=by+the+sweat+of+thy+face&do=Search&anonymous_element_1_changed=search)

This now has become more true than ever. It is offical, I now am forced to make and bake my own bread from here on out. I used to have 2 store-bought breads I could eat. A few months ago the local store named Harmons Home style bread changed their recipe to include milk - which I am allergic to. Today, Kabaju bought us the other bread we knew I could eat today as we are out of bread entirely.... I checked the ingredient list and to my horror saw that Sara Lee's Grandma Scyamore's bread has followed suit. It is no longer safe for me to eat. Wish me luck in re-learning and finding a recipe for bread that I can eat. Don't bother mentioning "gluten free" as that makes no difference to me - they tend to use dairy and eggs - both of which I cannot eat. I am unfortantely missing the annual FAAN Food Allergy Walk (http://www.foodallergywalk.org/site/TR/2010Walk/2010Walks?fr_id=1471&pg=entry) but I need to go make myself some bread. I am afraid Rhodes Frozen Rolls will soon follow suit...... who knows, perhaps they will stay different. I can only hope.

Time Flies

2010-09-22T13:23:00.003-06:00

Hello again.

It's been some time. Time obviously flies when life happens. I think I know what my last commenter meant by "mom" stories - at the time I didn't nor did Kabaju. So I will share in parts what it's like to be a Foster Mom - just so we keep things a little shorter and not drag this out too long. After all, I can only write what I know.

Let me back up a bit in time...

I had finally finished my thesis and graduated with my master's degree and with a shout of glee yelled, "No more school!" Whisper thoughts "Unless I teach it..." I was working on job applications for part-time work and came across information by a teacher at SLCC (Salt Lake Community College) that I could apply to be put into the 'pool' of teachers for the communications department. As I was laboriously working on that application - halfway through - when life happened.

Once done with my collegiate career we informed our RFC (Resource Family Consultant) we were open and ready for a placement (aka we were ready to open our home, and hearts to a child in foster care and custody of the state). In the meantime I kept myself busy with picking up my old hobby of crochet and looking for part-time work. After nearly two months I went to contact our RFC to check-in, but she beat me to it and called me. She informed me that we were being presented as a possible family for a baby girl. She didn't want to get our hopes up, but wanted us to be aware.

I had a baby shower later that day... it was antagonizing! Baby showers are always hard for me, but this one was especially hard - it was a duel baby shower for two women, one having a girl, one a boy. I nearly left not too long after being there.... but I made myself stay and focused on whatever else I could to ignore the annoying oohs and ahhs, and my thoughts on whether or not we'd be picked for the baby girl I was called about just hours before. It was quite depressing really.

Well, the next day which was Thursday July 15th we were informed that we were chosen as her new foster family. I immediately went into her caseworker's office to meet the caseworker and discuss the case and child. She also had pictures of the baby. I told her I was 95-99% sure we'd take her but of course wanted to present all we had discussed to Kabaju as he is my husband and we are a team.

Later that day when Kabaju got home I spoke with him.... so stay tuned as Princess Frog is crying for me to get her up... wow where did the time go?

Mom by Monday

2010-07-29T22:57:00.002-06:00

Hello all,

This has been nearly two weeks coming... but since July 17, 2010 we have been foster parents to an adorable 14 month old girl, dubbed Princess Frog. She's determined like the main character in the movie, "The Princess and the Frog," and she's really flexible - tastes her big toe all the time.

Although her name might be changing to Vampire Frog which would make her totally hip, I suppose as vampires are really popular or something. She's teething and her first teeth seem to be her upper incisors with everything else just waiting to break surface. I just hope they break soon and she'll have a mouthful.

It's been a roller coaster ride... definitely exciting! You will not see pictures of her nor her name for her protection and ours; but I thought you'd all like to know.

Since it's Thursday I'd like to also do my Thankful Thursday post here:

I am thankful for:

Princess Frog - you have a great big smile
Kabaju - I love you, you are a great foster dad and partner.
The Gospel
Window A/C - you keep us from melting and getting any more heat sickness.
A baby gate.
Classifieds and bartering on pricing.
Kabaju's job and raises.
No more school! Unless I teach it.....
Laughter
Sleep.... think I'll go catch some zzzz's

Alive

2010-06-23T13:04:00.004-06:00

I am alive and living.
I feel,
I smell,
I touch,
I see,
I hear,
All the things God has created
The gifts of being alive.
But these are two-way,
One way is good and happy
Another is sorrow and grief.
Both must exist,
Neither can be without the other.
I am alive and living.
I feel pain and love,
I smell,
I touch the computer to type these things,
I see the words that are created,
I hear my heart breaking... again for both love and happiness, sorrow and grief.

It has been exactly one year since miscarriage number five, and around this same time of day - in the afternoon it was all over.
I remember.
Baby 5 I love you, though I never knew you.
I lost you when you had only been created for ~3 weeks (nearly a month).

To all my other babies I love you all, though I never knew any of you.

In memorial:

Baby 1
(unexpected)
lost at 4 months along April 9, 2007 (Easter)

Baby 2
(unexpected)
lost at ~10 days April 16, 2008

Baby 3
(planned)
lost at 1 month along July 17, 2008

Baby 4
(unexpected)
lost at 1.5 months along January 1, 2009

Baby 5
(planned)
lost at ~3 weeks June 23, 2009

I am alive and living.
I am.

A Bit of Everything Plus ART

2010-06-17T22:12:00.007-06:00

Hello readers,

It again has been some time since I last bloggerated... eth and wrote. So, let me bring you all up to speed a bit, shall I?

I worked until beginning of April and then left - as Kabaju was established for ~2.5 months in his new job. It was a tough decision, however I had a fantastic team lead that wholeheartedly supported me and assisted me in seeking out alternatives that ended up not working out... so I left. Did my two week notice and didn't look back. Afterall, my job served its purpose of keeping us afloat to pay bills. Once Kabaju obtained employment and we steadied our financial situation, I put nearly everything towards paying off my student loans. So I'm happy to say I only have ~17.6% left to pay off on one loan and it's gone! Then I have two more to go! Can't wait to be debt free (minus our house)! : ) Dave Ramsey is fantastic! He is a financial guru that uses common sense and baby steps (see: http://www.daveramsey.com/).

Well, I took the whole of April once I ended my job and turned my entire focus to finishing my thesis and gaining my masters of art degree. Which I am happy to say I have indeed accomplished! I did my oral presentation over the phone via Skype April 29, 2010. Beginning of May we traveled to Spokane, WA for commencement as a family vacation which was fun... despite some rough moments (I'll tell you later...). May 8, 2010 we participated in the baccalaureate mass (as Gonzaga University is Jesuit, private Catholic school) it was interesting for us non-catholic people, but nice. Graduate commencement followed in the same place a couple hours later. So happy! Feels so good crossing the finish line... er stage. Once we got home my signature page was waiting. I was astounded! I thought I would need to do further revisions, which I did anyway, for myself. I Went to one place to have my thesis printed, another to have it bound and then shipped it off to Gonzaga. I received my diploma last week!

I'll elaborate more later, for now I want to say a bit about the talents of my sister-in-law, Evenspor. Her blog is: http://desertspor.blogspot.com/. She is a fantastic bloggerette/blogger. One thing she has done multiple times that I think is neat is create, design fabric patterns and has a place called Spoonflower print her designs onto fabric. So recently Spoonflower also does fabric design contests, which she has participated in the current one with the topic of Robots. She designed these.

The robots contest has ended at this point in time, however, you can see all the designs and the new contest by going here. I am sure if you would like a fabric with a specific design you can head over to Evenspor's blog and ask her for assistance. She does have a bachelor degree in art and she is very good at what she does.

Have a great day everybody! Cheers.

Spiritual Sunday

2010-02-14T22:30:00.003-07:00

Hello All,

It has been some time. Today was a beautiful day, and is Valentine's Day. Sadly, we didn't make it to church today for enlightenment, however it was still a Spiritual Sunday. We enjoyed spending time together tonight listening to Wallace "Wally" Goddard (Author of Soft-Spoken Parenting and various other books). It was a great Valentine's Day treat. He was really funny and down-to-earth, anytime you get at chance to listen to him/meet him & his wife I encourage you to do so. [For more about Dr. Wally go to his website here.]

I am still working on my MA degree, I am still doing a project although the project is turning more into a curriculum/course than an active training portfolio. I have been working full-time since late October 2009. Kabaju got a new job on his birthday last month. I thank God for second chances, because of His Grace I was able to sign up to redo my last semester this Spring Semester. We also received our Foster Care License mid-to late December. We are on hold for now, so I can finish my degree, then we can figure out what to do during the hours we aren't here as we both work full-time. However in speaking with Mrs. Goddard as she has been a bereaved mother, and an experienced mother with both biological & has fostered I asked her for some advice. Both she and her husband are very optimistic that God will bless us and lead us so that everything will work out. I agree, I just still have no idea how everything will work out....

It has been a wonderful Spiritual Sunday and I hope yours has been the same.

Have you learned something today?

Gratitude

2009-10-15T15:34:00.002-06:00

Thankful Thursday is here again. So here is what I am grateful for this week and last as well:

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
2. My wonderful husband.
3. Family.
4. Good Friends.
5. Food.
6. Blue Skies.
7. Men and young men willing to wake up at all hours to come and start cutting our huge tree down at 6:30 AM.
8. Recipe Books that guide on how to cook with food allergies.
9. Simple and yummy recipes.
10. Multiple job offers - even if they aren't even close to my dream career.
11. Our cars.
12. Our home.
13. Our perseverance.
14. Our faith.
15. Blessings.
16. Our health.
17. My planner.
18. Hope.
19. Happiness.
20. Everything good.

What are you grateful for?

I Give Thanks

2009-10-01T15:16:00.003-06:00

As it turns out, Evenspor my sister-in-law, has decided to do "Thankful Thursdays" so here is mine:

1. I am thankful for my husbands' severance pay that will be coming soon.
2. I am thankful to have a friend living with us.
3. I am thankful that we can repair our own car at very low cost - or if we need to, we have a mechanic that will help.
4. I am thankful for a neighbor fixing our furnace at very low cost.
5. I am thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
6. I am thankful for friends and family.
7. I am thankful for autumn.
8. I am thankful that I am in my final semester of college.
9. I am thankful for all that I have and possess.
10. I am thankful for my health, and God's herbal remedies.

What are you thankful for?

Happy

2009-09-28T17:16:00.002-06:00

Happy is positiveness.

I am happy. I am positive.

I am working on my final project for my Master of Art degree and I'm applying for a job that what my thesis project is.

Happy.

That job opening proves that what my active training portfolio (thesis project) is all about is more real and true than ever before! I knew it! Happy.

Strength.

Yes times are tough, but like I have said time and again before - I embrace tough times. I learn more that way.

Tough times make you think and thinking is good, if you let it be good and positive. Learn to think about things from different angles time and again - and time and again those views will surprise you and uplift you. Unless of course you chose differently.

It's all about attitude and my sweet husband reminds me and we sustain each other - the best we can, but we can always learn.

Learn to be happy.
Learn to overcome.
Learn why life is punching us the way it has decided to and take it in a different angle.
To pursue
Happiness.
Life is a journey.
Journey's take progress.
Progress embraces all - happy and sad, all.
Learning is tough, but is also happy.
Knowledge is gained.
Wisdom is the application of that knowledge over time - sometimes a life time.

Happy.

Afterall, it's a beautiful day.

Rollin' with the Punches

2009-09-24T00:33:00.005-06:00

Rollin' with the punches of life... but damn they hurt! I'm tough I know, and I can be a lot tougher still... but I'll admit, I'm tired, I'm burned, I'm worn.... but I'm too bullheaded to quit anytime soon! Which is a good thing. Helps me roll with the punches life has been hitting me with nonstop for the past 3-7 years or more of my life.... eh, might as well say my entire life - but especially the past 3-5 years have been the most challenging and tough. And it's not going to end till I die. Literally.

Remember the Life Exhaust list I gave you all back in February this year? If not take a moment and read it... go on I'll wait.

***

Okay, whew! Take a breath... and let me bring you up to speed... again for the upmteenth time.

So let's see, right....

**March was my ring finger bone graft from the hip surgery (yes, my hip tends toward the tenderness side of things still, but it is healing and regrowing bone).
**I spent the next 3-5 months in hand therapy, water therapy, and physical therapy. (The water therapy works wonders!)
**I got dumped from my temp job... in April... I am still looking.
**My hand healed in time for me to fully use it again for my summer class which I absolutely loved! My professors (those two ladies own their business, they do what they preach!) are my mentors for my thesis project - an active training portfolio.
**I did fabulous in that class.
**Had some car issues with both cars, but we did fine.
**I had my 5th miscarriage June 23, 2009.
**I made a memorial for my 5 babies.
**More imaging was done, and I do have a "slight" abnormality... but pffft it's not much of one.
**I have two more blood tests I need to do this week to see why my red blood cells are monstrously huge.... hmmm, think it has to do with STRESS?
**Did a ton of job hunting..... still doing job hunting.....
**Went to Goblin Valley July 3, 2009 - yes it was HOT, cause we don't have AC.... but it was fun going across the desert with my family and wow the desert was actually green! Weird!
**That was fun ; )
**August we celebrated our 5th anniversary by climbing the 1100 feet elevation gain straight up to Timpanogos Cave in Utah County (think Provo, Utah) and of course going through the refrigerator on steroids... it was fantastic! Yes, we're still married and happily too ; )
**I started my final semester the beginning of September/ending of August.
**I also paid down $700 on my student loans - that was a nice feeling. Paying over $2000 for tuition not so nice - but this is the last time, that is nice.
**I've unpacked our kitchen - finally!
**We have a friend living with us - which is a nice change from the mundane, she makes me laugh!
**Out of the dark... er, "blue," out of nowhere... my husband got laid off..... YIKES!
**Now we're all three jobless.... with bills.... what are we to do? I have unemployment for another 3-4 weeks and then it's gone.... friend will apply for unemployment and help by paying a little rent.... and husband does get some severance and unemployment.
**We turned in our Packet B, next step the homestudy and we will be licensed to be Foster Parents... but that will wait till next year - which was our plan anyway.
**I thank God for the Bishop's Storehouse... now I just have to figure out what it is they have that I can eat... you know I have major food allergies.

Okay - from the top of my head, you all should be absolutely up to date, to the date, really.

We have made headway on our yard thanks to our girlfriend/housemate. We'll be participating in the Food Allergy Awareness Walk at Wheeler Farm in Murray (think Salt Lake City) Utah on Oct. 3rd. October 2nd I'll be volunteering at the Utah Foster Care Foundation Pumpkin Festival, as well as turning in my Lit Review.... I hope, I better be, I will....... ahem. October 10th we'll be cutting down a big, weedy, dangerous tree! Yay!

Oh, and if you want to read my husband's reaction to being let off, you can read it here.

My view of events:

Monday night I crawl into bed, (earlier that day he told me he had a meeting Tuesday) I turn my bedside lamp off... and all of a sudden he says, "Why's it so dark?" I ask, "You want me to turn the light back on?" He said, "NO." Then asks again why it's so dark, all the time? Perpelexed, I said, "I don't know, it's night right now.... what do you mean?" Silence. Snoring. He's out. Next morning... I'm waiting for my double-timing tingling leg to wake up so I can get dressed and get stuff done... next moment when my feet land on the cold floor I'm startled by our bedroom door suddenly opening and there he is.... it's only what, 10 AM or something. He pulls me to his warm body with a smile on his face to hold me and kiss me.

"I got laid off."

I looked at him absolutely stunned and startled... "What!? You're kidding!"
He continues to hold me against him... "No, I'm serious. That's what the meeting was about, at least the one I went to."

I could do nothing else except to cry as fear slapped me hard in the face and all over..... what's going to happen now? What about our home.... what am I going to do? What are we going to do? My mind was racing and yet, not sure if it wanted to keep what it heard.

We went to the couch as I sobbed. Our housemate came out of her bedroom - "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I got laid off." I didn't see her reaction, my face was shutoff in the dark shadow of my eyelids pressed hard against his lap... I didn't want her to see me cry... but cry and sob I did.

"It's going to be okay... we'll be okay." : ) "I get to look for a new job!"

It has been a roller coaster ride for a long time for me.... emotionally, physically, mentally.

We three went to our married friend's house down the street to raid their garden as they instructed us to. I made excellent pasta sauce and pasta that night from their tomatoes and onions. My girlfriend told me, she was amazed that I didn't cry for long... she would still be crying if she were me. My mind is stable, I have an herbal remedy to keep the mind strong. I am calm. I am afraid. I am calm. I am stressed... I am determined.

I embrace hardship. It is my life. I praise God and His son Jesus Christ.

What have we to learn? I know not yet, but someday I will. Trust is tough love... and I have to trust in God like never before. Oh, Father hear our prayers.

Published, Memories, Poem

2009-09-17T13:15:00.004-06:00

Hello All,

As it turns out I'm now related to an up-and-coming famous person. My sister-in-law, an artist, did the artwork for her husband's book! I love books and good stories... and believe me he is a great writer. I get to read his soliloquies at least once a year when he writes the family's yearly Christmas letter. I think he did a fantastic job of writting his version of the tale of Little Fish their second son's birth story - you can read it here. If you enjoy that check out his newly published book Catamount Cody. I'm sure it is a fabulous read! But you don't have to take my word for it; a lady by the name of Andrea Frazer at Life Happins wrote a review. And of course my nephew (of the acclaimed famous) obsiouly loves it good stories too!

They are giving copies away - signed by both I hope... did I mention I love good books of all kinds and varieties? I hope to someday get a signed copy. That would be fun and a great break from the mundane and interestingness of graduate student life. As I am currently working on my final semester and thus my thesis project - yes thesis project. I am making it an active training portfolio. I hope to bring out the creativity I know I posess.

I vaguely remember as a five+ year old in school loving to write... especially writing stories and whatever my creativity feed me. I can remember finding pieces of parchment and writing a story of a dog and cat that were best friends and the adventures they were going to have.... but alas in my efforts to keep my story safe and hidden.... it grew legs and ran away to Neverland where stories never fade... and children never grow up. Later on as a tween I remember a history assignment - that I ended up turning into a very long story about the trek of Father Escalante and his trail... I turned it in something like a month or two... late but received 110+ percent for such a good story and being able to put you in their shoes....... of course I also grew up in the rough terrain of Southern Utah where Father Escalante had to cross so I was itimately familiar with the land.... aw sweet memories. Someday too, I will find that old story and hope to fully transfer it onto the computer and into type.... I love good books, stories, writing and art!

I can't wait for the cold winter days of December to come, with it's jewels of white.
I can't wait for my skin to turn ice in the cold December wind.
I can't wait for the crunch of soft snow jewels that sparkle and dazzle all.
I can't wait for another year to be added to my life,
As I journey forward and close another chapter of my life book.
I can't wait to finish my collegiate schooling,
To walk in pomp and circumstance in the bright May Sun over 1,000 miles yonder.
I can't wait to see my creativity continue to bloom as my sister-and brother-in-law encourage me with their own.
I can't wait to really see what life can bring beyond the night's heavy study of studentry.
I can't wait.
And yet I will.
I must.
Persist.
Finish a Goal, a dream.
Continue to create my life.
My story.
My own.
I am excited for life to continue.
For further challenges, new and different.
Fostering will come,
of creativity,
of children,
of hope,
of life beyond what I have always known and what I do not yet know.
I can't wait.
Yet I will.
Wait for life,
To see where this journey will continue to go.
To see what God has in store for me.
I can't wait.
Yet I will.

Fundraiser

2009-07-16T15:36:00.004-06:00

Hello all to those who read my blog. I have updated my personal page for the Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network's (FAAN's) walk for food allergy awareness. You can read my story here:

http://www.foodallergywalk.org/site/TR/2009Walk/2009Design?px=1444081&pg=personal&fr_id=1380

Please help me get the word out about food allergies and to let others like myself know that they are not alone. Even if you can only donate $5, that will help with education and research. Every dollar counts!

Did you know that the majority of people that end up in the ER for administration of Epinephrine for control of an allergic reaction is due to a food allergy? The majority of those that end up in the ER due to an allergic reaction didn't know they had a food allergy.... people have died simply because they ate something they are allergic to!

Here's a great post to help you understand Food Allergies.

The walk for Utah will be October 3, 2009.

Don't Forget About Thursday.... Speeding to Friday

2009-07-08T21:44:00.002-06:00

Hi all,

So we had a fabulous fourth of July weekend down in S town. Small towns know how to part-tay! Of course we were lazy, but more on that later.... or you can get a sneak peek here: http://www.kabaju.net/2009/07/goblin-valley.html

Well, in-between my last post and now - I was in a group for two weeks to do a group project, then we jumped into the final two weeks of class - right now the final week of class is 3/4 done - it's Wednesday afterall! Which brings me to this weeks spin cycle: speeding onward to Friday.

The final project is to create a short 5-7 page portfolio that would help give me an edge as a consultant/trainer - of course creativity in presenting it counts.... hmmm. I just thought of a great idea too! I'll utilize my outdated website - I will update it - and present that to them! Of course I'll print out a hard copy of the portfolio pieces and put them in a booklet of sorts to present at future job interviews - that should come in handy!

So, the portfolio will consist of the following - and I quote:

Communication Consulting/Training Portfolio - - Design and develop your own personal portfolio to position yourself competitively as a consultant or trainer (for now or your future career plans) – externally or internally. Elements of this 5-7 page portfolio would include:

Resume or curriculum vitae highlighting your training expertise
“Elevator pitch” for you
Example training or service you would offer
How you would define success in your business or job

So I've definitely got the resume done, and I also have a copy of unofficial transcripts too. Now to do a cover letter, the "Me in 30 Seconds" or "Elevator Pitch", an example of my training/service/skills I could offer, and my definintion of success.

In regards to this week's spin cycle of speeding onward to Friday - Don't Forget About Thursday! It's tomorrow, and as you can see I have plenty to due. I'm very grateful to my hubby for working on the dishes... I sure haven't had a lot of energy - and in order to make it to Friday I need to reserve my energy. So why am I writing a post then? It helps get the juices flowing.... eh, and I just noticed how late it is.... mmmmm.... anyways so ya. Friday will come in the next 50 hours (MST). I have exactly... ok... approximately 10-20 hours to complete everything and get it uploaded to my website and submitted to my instructors and discussion board.

I can understand the wanting to rush to Friday, but really why miss a day? Enjoy it while you can... you only get one mortal life. Once Friday comes and goes I'll be done with my final project, my final elective class. I will have a short break, pay a boatload on tuition and my fee - then it will be on to figuring out what I'm going to do for my final semester - thesis or project? Or will they let me do a hybrid?

Will my final semester end on a Friday in December?

It will be nice to have that Friday come quickly, but at the same time I have 6 months' worth of Thursdays in between now and then....

Don't forget about Thursday.... speeding onward to Friday.

Summer Fever, Senior Fever

2009-06-14T22:58:00.005-06:00

Aah. Chamomile tea - very relaxing. Just what I needed following a crazy week of downpouring rain, late to all-nighters, and utmost exhaustion to complete my second assignment of my Communication Consulting and Training course. So now, as my brain unwinds and... ick, headache... I can actually write for fun : ). This past week's spin cycle is summer plans or something to with summer.... ya really tired - which is good. I have to present in the morning.

Anyways... my summer, well as you can see is school, school, and did I say school? Since I had surgery back in March (which it has been 3 months and I'm officially healed! yay!) the timing was perfect so that I finished one class, went into "spring break", and moved my 2nd class of the semester to right now.

For the past two summers I have physcially gone to Gonzaga University campus in Spokane, Washington and loved it! I missed going this summer and staying at the B&B five blocks away.... I have found doing a class during summer is difficult when it's a full 8 weeks, and I don't go to Spokane. But as of today I am half-done! Two assignments down, two to go! And it's only getting more intense! You parents, I don't know how you do it, but you're amazing!

The other thing that's making it hard... this is my second to last class.... that's right 1 more and I'M DONE. D-O-N-E, DONE! No more acadamia as a student for me.... I don't want to hit the bottom of the scale shown here. It's scary how close to the "socks with sandals" area I've been... (if you didn't look at that scale, do so now....)

So I have summer fever and senior fever combined... plus I'm currently without employment, so ya. Great times.

Altough here's what Merlyn and I just designed for my assignement I just finished (yes it will take years to do):

This one is a sketch done to scale by Merlyn of the current layout of our yard.

This one is our xeriscape design for entire yard.
Whew! What a pain to get pics on here.... grrr... anyways it's exciting. But we're hoping to at least begin with:
Painting the house, rebuiding the porch covering, new gutters, redo the grade around the house so water flows away from instead of towards, new side door complete with storm door, new bathroom window, take down those blasted weedy trees, and celebrate our 5th anniversary in August... while living life in between.... whew!

Night ya'll that's all folks.... need sleeeeeeeeeeeeep - and hopefully can get up early enough to shower and prepare for my presenation.

--Ecologista

Help with Education

2009-06-09T23:26:00.001-06:00

Hi all,

We could really use your help in anyway - especially if you could donate even just $10 to help raise awareness that Food Allergies are very real for a lot of people - myself included. I'm still learning a lot too!

As a reminder I created a team - Hall of Allergies - for the Oct 3rd, 2009 Food Allergy Awareness Walk here in Utah. So please visit our team page at:

http://www.foodallergywalk.org/site/TR/2009Walk/2009Design?pg=team&fr_id=1380&team_id=40370

Thanks and God Bless!

Our Story

2009-06-07T21:59:00.002-06:00

Since I have some time I'm going to do what Evenspor did here. I'm going to do the same, and tell you our story for this past week's Spin Cycle: "I Love You".

It was my second year at Utah State University's College of Natural Resources (CNR). I had moved into the top floor (3rd floor) of the 'natural resource (NR)' floor in the campus housing in between the Engineering and Business buildings, and across from the new library and CNR. It was nice to be right there, pretty much on campus, where you go to class - but what I didn't anticipate was Merlyn.

Not everyone - in fact half of the twenty-four(+/-) women and men that lived on the third floor were not NR majors... It was fall 2003. I was meeting my new neighbors and one in particular was tall, and somewhat handsome (of course at the time I was NOT interested in dating, in the least bit - I wanted to stay as far away from the dating nonsense as I possibly could....)

Sidenote: For those of you unfamiliar with how housing works, there were four apartments per floor that could house up to six people each. Two apartments were for women, two were for men - so it was "co-ed" Utah style. (I say Utah style, because you would rarely find men and women in the same apartment - unlike one of my friends' place in Nevada. I have also lived with men in a house during the summer - at least the few that were single were... uninteresting...)

Right, so we were all friends, yada, yada, college life is great and hard. Round October, the tall man, who told me a nickname then had to prove his real name as Merlyn, started to show interest in me (although I honestly had no idea, except this weird sensation that he liked me - it was like walking into the sunshine after being in the cool of the shade - it really freaked me out!)

Time passed, and when the first Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl was out, our student government was able to do a showing at the Kent Concert Hall. Well, Merlyn, being a man interested in the movie, came into the Quinney Library where I worked one day with tickets in hand to ask me to join him. I said sure, why not, I'd like to see the movie - hey it was free (really it was free, even for him)! On my way to chem lab the day of the movie an odd idea hit me - "Does that mean I'm going on a date?" It seemed weird, but I guess it was.... sort of. We went as friends and nieghbors - but he began hanging around me more and more.....

He later amitted that he was thinking about getting back with an old girlfriend, but then became interested in my girlfriend Jeweles next door. He was shy - and everytime he worked up his courage to go ask her out, he happened to notice a lovely short red-head. So weirdly enough my name kept pushing Jeweles out.... I talked to her about it, and she said she wasn't interested in him - she really liked him, but just as a friend. (She married the man that was Merlyn's roomie - it's funny we both met our future spouses' and didn't even know it... none of us did.)

I liked him - er, I wasn't sure of these "feelings" I was having. They really frightened me. My dreams never really involved a man - at least not until after I was graduated from college and had a "real" life, with a career I enjoyed and traveled the world.... So yes, I was afraid of an early ball and chain.... if that's what you want to call it. I did everything I could consciencoulsy or unconsciencously to see if he would stick around or hopefully give up on me...

And yet somehow we became - gasp - boyfriend/girlfriend in mid-to-late November.

One dinner date I had drank an orginial A&W rootbeer, well, he insisted on opening my door, and with him looking down at me from his stance of over 6' and me at my just over 5' I let all out right in his face! *BELCH* *AHH* *BLUSH* *LAUGH* I'm sure those in the long line of the drive thru heard it! It was LOUD. He looked at me, and I believe he said, "Um, smells like rootbeer." (I'm still laughing about it to this day. Hey he bought me dinner and the rootbeer.)

Well, obviously nothing seemed to deter him. In March of 2004, unexpectedly (even by him - as our whole relationship-thing, was unexpected) he proposed to me (no ring, I was very picky about being able to design it - which I did do)... I was going to wait a month and tell him no - I'd rather date longer & maybe serve a church mission - but I only lasted a week and here we are 4 years and 10 months later into our marriage. We were married August 2004.

Merlyn I Love You!

Food Allergies

2009-05-11T15:20:00.003-06:00

Hi all,

It's Food Allergy Awareness Week, May 10-16, 2009.

I created a team - Hall of Allergies - for the Oct 3rd, 2009 Food Allergy Awareness Walk. So please visit our team page at:

http://www.foodallergywalk.org/site/TR/2009Walk/2009Design?pg=team&fr_id=1380&team_id=40370

Wahoo!

2009-05-09T22:12:00.002-06:00

Yay! Our bishop's surgery was a success! Yay, he made it to ICU. Yay, he's alive! Thank the Lord, Almighty! What a relief..... whew!

This past week has been a beautiful week - despite the utter shock - and today we enjoyed going over to the Conservancy District Conservation Garden, where I talked to a member of UFAN (Utah Food Allergy Network) and got a free box of Enjoy Life double chocolate brownies.... and also ran into someone that works for the BLM doing wildland fire stuff and recognized her from the East Fork Fire back in 2002! I got her bus card and will be networking with her... wish me luck!

Got over $600 worth of repairs done on our Geo Metro - all new brake system in the front and new exhaust, the entire thing. It's weird to drive such a quite car! I could actually hear myself think and nothing else! I think it was that quite when my parents bought it 12 years ago... it's been too long and I can't remember - and it's been really loud, so loud people with the real glass packs would look at us funny - you know Geo with glass packs HA! I think we'll be investing in window tinting for the car(s) - we put that much in, they're staying with us, so long as they keep going.

Saved every bit of cash we got, enjoyed Cinco de Mayo with some cash, bought new mattress covers and a twin bed set... now we just have to finish figuring out our emergency plan and prepare our home so we can get licensed!

My class starts May 18th! I'm ready! No job, yet. Just trying to sell our couch and organize, find a job and be able to be Foster Parents....

Pic

2009-05-08T13:50:00.002-06:00

My ring finger scar 7 weeks post-op.

Spring - mixed emotions!

2009-05-08T12:32:00.003-06:00

I know it's been some time since my last post, but as you are well aware, my life takes no rest. I do want to make a correction to my last post those things happened in 2 years, not 2.5 - but that doesn't matter.

So I got out of my December brace briefly in February. I completed my first spring class just in time for benign vertigo - which is being so dizzy you can't do anything except find a certain position that lessens the nausea, spinning and headache. That was the first Tuesday of March, the first Wednesday of March I was considerably better minus my increasingly swollen ring finger which just healed from the bone cyst being fractured. The pain was all the pains they ask, all of them all at once! Luckily it wasn't broken so we set my surgery date for the following Thursday, March 12, 2009. That week was torture, no pain killer - which I can only take max strength Tylenol, ice or heat - nothing soothed the pain.... I went to work Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday prior to surgery. Talk about pure torture! The Tuesday prior to my surgery the liquid built up in my finger burst and three things happened at once:
1. The pressure release was a relief
2. But at the same time it hurt all the worse because there was nothing padding my empty & near boneless finger
3. And I could feel the wetness under the surface of my finger, then the unquenchable fire flowing down my finger, my hand, my wrist, my arm up into my lmpyhs in my armpit and my jaw, any extra cyst fluid, aka toxin, flowed out my sinus's' down my throat making it too burn like mad. I pushed myself onward, holding back the tears, gagging and nausea to keep working and try to focus on something else (yes I called and left a message for my doctor, and I called my sweet hubby). So I suffered, as I always do, the best I can - and keep going.

Well, I went in early Thursday morning and received more torture as my veins roll and the two people trying to stick me with an IV failed until they finally tried the area I know can be hit best, the inside of my elbow - of course by that point I was completely soaked from my own sweat and shaking so bad, it's a wonder they were able to finally hit it - I was in complete shock and finally passed out in the operating room just as they moved me and administered the anesthetic heavily. The anesthesiologist told my husband as we kissed before rolling me into the surgery "suite" that I wouldn't remember - yea right! Although the stuff used for this surgery was for people like me with an allergy to eggs - so it actually wasn't as bad as the stuff used for my short 20 min EGD. This surgery from the time I went into surgery to the time hubby saw me again was 4.5 hours. I was supposed to rest for the day there - but the ***!!##$% post-op nurse decided without consulting me, my husband or my doctor that I had to wake up and go home! I won't go into any more details, cause it makes me full of anger and bad tongue.

They took bone from my left hip - in order to graft that bone into my ring finger - so moving me was bad - for once in I have no idea how long I was pain free and comfortable, and I was rudely moved...... but that doesn't matter now.

What matters right now is that I am seeking the Lord and especially for Him to accept my fast and prayer for our bishop who is undergoing open-heart surgery unexpectedly. I went to the hospital yesterday - as I found this out just Wednesday night - to see if they were ok. Instead of me comforting his wife, she comforted me - I did not get to see him as he was exhausted from all the poking and prodding.... I pray he does well and comes through and that his recovery is steadfast as the Lord willith.

I thank God that I can now use my finger again, not fully yet, but I can type - I can walk.... pool therapy and hand therapy is truly amazing. It will be two months on May 12th. I pray that bishop will be able to recover to the point he can go home at the end of this month.... and that in June I can visit him sometime.... but for now I pray for good news, I pray he makes it to ICU, then onward from there.

PSALM 39:12 "Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears...."

JOHN 14: 1 "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

13 "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

As a friend whose wife just miscarried their first blurted out "Spring Sucks!"

Ironic really - spring the coming forth of new life, our Savior's precious Atonement all in spring. But maybe that's why it's hard. We need to learn to understand the Atonement our Savior suffered because of His love for all of us.... that strikes me awe and calms my soul. My soul is still pained for the love and concern of those I know and care about. My prayers are also for an old high school friend's little baby as she battles rare brain cancer and for anyone else who needs them. I am no better than anyone else, and I have been weak and sinful for a long time... but I am engraven in my Savior's hands and he has not forgotten or let go of me. My bishop's shocking surgery is a blessing in disguise - I am becoming more fervent in wanting to do better, in seeking out the Lord even more. I have not been able to fast for a long time becuase of my own health, but I am. For the sake of my beloved friends, family, and for my soul.

O, beloved God, help us all! O weak flesh and mere mortal that I am! Foolish I am! Omnipotent and Loving is our Father and Savior! I was once fearful of happiness and joy - now I seek to know them! I embrace my pains, trials and tribulations! O, beloved Father and Savior help and guide us! I emplore Thee oh Most Holy One, hear the cry of my heart.

PSALM 55: 1 "Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.

2 Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise;

4 My heart is sore pained within me..."

PSALM 55:16 "As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me.

17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.

22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee...."

Amen.

Life Exhaust

2009-02-11T23:25:00.004-07:00

Or should it be life is exhausting? I have though, officially applied to graduate this December 2009 with my Master of Art in Communication Leadership from Gonzaga University! Yea! I plan on driving to Spokane, Washington in May 2010 to celebrate and participate in commencement. But in the mean time I have senior fever. You know the:

"I'm nearly done syndrome"
"Can't wait to be done"
"Is this week done & did I finish everything - man I can't seem to focus syndrome"
"The, why am I still in school?" syndrome..... and so forth.

Yep definitely hard to focus. But I've got to, I have to make it!

One of my current classmates mentioned how they admire my strange will to keep going, they're right it is a strong and strange will - but I hate to start something and not finish!

Life is certainly exhausting, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically - it's no wonder we age. After constant trauma over the past 2.5 years, I'm exhausted. But I have an absolutely wonderful (& expensive) Naturopathic Physician who is guiding me towards better self-care and health. She is amazing - she sees me as a real person, not patient number so and so....

And yet, chatting with my whitefire sister, her trauma (thank the lord she and her daughter are still alive!) made mine feel a touch lighter. Yet both our trauma is just as heavy as the others', just obtusely different trials and tribulations.

In just 2.5 years (actually not even that) I have:

Begun Grad school.
Had my husband wreck our car (he was ok).
Beloved Aunt die.
Fix car.
Live apart for 2 months.
Family Wedding & Apartment Hunt.
Have a miscarriage all alone (3-4 mos along).
Move.
Work full-time in a pioneer outfit in 100+ degree weather Monday thru Saturday.
School.
Family Wedding.
School.
Bought our first home - of course a fixer-upper, major.
Move.
Lived with my grandfather and my Alzhiemer grandmother - and cousin/husband for 8 months.
School.
Hubby's granmother's funeral.
Crappy Job.
Second Miscarriage.
Move.
School.
Third Miscarriage.
Temp Job.
No Job.
School.
Job.
Hubby's Class
Pre-service Foster Care Classes (32 hours in 1 month)
Bone Cyst.
Hubby's grandfather's funeral.
Fourth Miscarriage.
Robbery.
School.

You tired yet? That doesn't involve all the nitty-gritty of everyday living or fixing up the house or...

Don't get me wrong, life is great, fantastic, enjoyable. Life is certainly yin and yang - good and bad. I have definitely learned a hell of a lot more than I ever would have had I not known all that I know now, and a lot of it only I understand. It makes life all the more precious and meaningful. Even if life's exhaust seems to swallow us whole.

--Ecologista

Robbed!

2009-01-13T23:10:00.002-07:00

I know it's been some time since I began this blog, but a plethora of things have happened; which with the way my life is, don't be surprised. But, I feel as though writing here will be a little therapeutic - despite my current crisis mode and stress for needing to finish my final paper for my most recent class to change my incomplete grade to a grade. I have Encondroma, which is a bone cyst surrounding my ring finger from the knuckle to the first joint, and the tip of my pinkie finger is the size of area the cyst has replaced the inside of my bone as well. Due to this, I was one-handed for nearly 2 months. I'm finally able to "wean" away from my brace; but I still have to have surgery in May with a bone graft from my hip (not looking forward to that).

Now, according to the title of this blog, yes we were robbed today. Our house was broken into and $2100 worth of belongings were stolen (which is a lot for us, as we don't have much in the avenue of money or things). Thankfully they didn't care to take our wedding rings or paperwork with our personal information all over it (we're in the process of refinancing our house, gee what timing.) They did take our laptop which does have information, or did. The great police officers of our city have already recovered our laptop and arrested one of the men. All within a few hours of me getting home, calling Kabaju, and everyone else I could locally; and helping them gather as much evidence as possible.

The freaky thing though is the fact that as I was stepping out this morning to go to work I had a feeling that I was being watched. According to our pre-paid cell phone activity they began making calls at 10:40 am this morning. I headed out to work at 9:20 am. *gah, shiver* When I got home the snow shovel was tipped over in the driveway (even though there was no wind whatsoever), there were 2 coffee cups next to the house, both bedroom lights were on, and my dresser and jewelry were obviously rummaged through - talk about heavy violation. Even Kabaju feels violated.

It was neat that the sergeant enjoyed showing me how the finger print powder worked and that it was easier to get fingerprints when people were cold as compared to warm. He asked if I ever watched CSI. I told him I had in the past, but not really. He told me don't believe them; to which I responded why would I it's Hollywood, they're always fake. I never did blurt out that I was not one to be messed with, and we did everything possible to help track the petty thieves down - although one is still at large. Stupid McDonald's for not having surveillance - they left behind 2 coffee cups from McDonald's. The man was staying at a shady place about .25 mile from our house.... either way stupid thieves don't mess with me! I'm no dummy!

So now I get to lose a day's pay to stay home and take care of a mess, and redo all our accounts, and find out how that will affect our refinancing; all the while trying to keep my head together enough so I can finish that darned final paper! I've already applied to graduate this December! I'm too close not to finish... I will finish!

The Beginning and a Continuation

2008-11-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

A lot of people I know in my life have a blog - an online avenue of communication beyond the more familiar virtual form of e-mail. The first time I experimented with creating a blog was in one of my early Communication and Leadership Master of Art classes. However, I have not 'posted' to that blog since last year. A lot of friends and family have bugged me about joining people on places like facebook. The other thing I have been wanting to do is to be able to respond to people's blogs that I read every now and then when I have time... but alas, I did not have my own blog or an account with the blogger blogs - I had a Uniblog blog. So, here I am creating a new and fresh blog with the rest of you on the blogger blogs of the world.

I am a graduate student with Gonzaga University online. I am an Ecologist by trade married to an EE (Electrial Engineer), have not the ability to keep babies for an unknown reason to man and medicine, a plethora of food allergies and we are preparing to become liscensed Foster Parents. I hope to post what we learn in relation to my food allergies - how to cope, live with, and continue forward. As well as our adventures as Foster Parents. And of course, as the title implies present an ecology of life.

Life is a journey, a process, a never-ending exploration.

Happy Blogging. Welcome to Ecology of Life.

--Ecologista